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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29187276">Once in a Blue Moon</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChocolatteKitty_Kat/pseuds/ChocolatteKitty_Kat'>ChocolatteKitty_Kat</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>New Music: the 50s AU [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Newsies (1992), Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - 1950s, Alternate Universe - Bands, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Band Fic, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Acephobia, Internalized Homophobia, Multi, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Pre-Relationship, Relationship Advice, implied/referenced eating disorder</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 14:01:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>29,967</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29187276</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChocolatteKitty_Kat/pseuds/ChocolatteKitty_Kat</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Finch, Elaine, and Mush explore their feelings for each other as their relationship develops. Featuring: chaotic friendships, occasionally bad advice, internalized acephobia, self-loathing, and a happy ending. Set during the last few scenes of New Music Act 2 and before New Music Act 3.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Finch/Mush Meyers/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>New Music: the 50s AU [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2128572</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>“‘Once in a blue moon.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That means that there are only a few moments in your life when something truly memorable, truly magical, happens to you. And, if you hesitate, if you're afraid, you might just miss it. That's what that image means. Don't let those blue moon moments pass you by.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Finch climbed into his truck and shut the door with a sigh. On the other side of the cab, Mush was sitting with his head resting against the cool glass of the passenger window, eyes closed. Elaine was in the middle of the bench seat, left foot on the seat and arms wrapped around her leg, chin resting on the edge of her knee. Her right foot hung just above the floor—she was the tiniest bit too short to actually reach the floor from the truck’s seat—her shoe unlaced to allow for the swelling in her ankle. The drive was nearly silent, which was practically unheard of between the three of them. When they pulled up in front of Elaine’s house, Mush finally lifted his head from the window. Finch turned off the engine and hopped out of the truck; by the time he got around to the other side of the truck, Mush was already out and offering Elaine a hand down. When she climbed down and tried to put weight on her sprained ankle, she lost her balance and fell into the door before either of the boys could catch her.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“C’mere,” said Finch, offering her his arm. She let him lift her up bridal-style and carry her to the door of the house. Mush grabbed her school bag, shut the door to the truck, and followed them up the stairs to the stoop of the house.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Key’s in the outside pocket of my bag,” Elaine said, pointing vaguely. Mush fished out the key and opened the door for the other two.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Is it okay if we come in?” Finch asked, already halfway through the door.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Yeah, Madison and my dad are gone for the week, with the babies,” Elaine said. “Alan and Alden are the only people around.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush closed the door once they were all inside and followed Finch and Elaine through the house into the kitchen, where Finch set Elaine down on the counter and pushed Mush down into a chair at the kitchen table.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Towels?” he asked Elaine.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Um… that drawer,” she pointed.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch pulled out a handful of towels, grabbed the ice trays from the freezer, and filled a pair of towels with ice, then bundled up the ice with an extra towel and handed one of the little packs to Elaine and one to Mush. He dragged another chair over to Elaine so she could prop her foot up on the back of it to rest the ice pack on her swollen ankle. “Is that okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>She nodded. “The ice feels good.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Do you have any aspirin around here?” Finch asked, filling the ice trays with water and putting them back in the freezer</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Uh, yeah, upstairs, in the bathroom next to Alan and Alden’s room.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I’ll be back.” Finch headed for the back stairs.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Hey, if the boys are up, let them know we’re down here,” said Elaine.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch nodded. Upstairs, he kept as quiet as he could in the hall heading for the bathroom. There was a light on under the door of the boys’ room, but he slipped into the bathroom and grabbed the bottle of aspirin from the medicine cabinet before returning to the door. He knocked softly on it, and entered when he heard someone call “</span>
  <em>
    <span>come in”</span>
  </em>
  <span> from inside.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Alan turned around at his desk and seemed surprised to see Finch standing in the doorway. “Hey. What’re you doing here?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I brought Elaine home. She and Mush are down in the kitchen.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Alan glanced at his watch. “It’s early for rehearsal to be over.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Yeah, uh… rehearsal didn’t really happen today.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Alan arched an eyebrow. “Did something happen?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch sighed. “There was a little bit of a dustup with the Delancey twins. They jumped Crutchie, Cora, and Elaine on their way to rehearsal.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Is Elaine okay?” Alan was on his feet and moving towards the door in the blink of an eye.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Sprained ankle and a scrape up her arm, but she’s fine,” said Finch. “Actually, do you have stuff to clean out her arm? I came up for aspirin, but I want to do that too.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Sure; I’ll grab it,” said Alan.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch nodded and headed back towards the stairs, taking a slight detour into Elaine’s room to grab her a clean shirt. Back down in the kitchen, he passed the shirt to Elaine. By the time Alan came down the stairs a few moments later, carrying cotton balls, gauze, tape, and peroxide, she had eased off her ripped sweater and pulled on the new shirt—a soft cotton t-shirt with short sleeves that left the still-bleeding scrape uncovered. The sweater went straight into the trash, and she stared mournfully down at her ripped and bloodstained skirt as Finch gently took her arm and began pulling debris out of the wound. Alan handed him a pair of tweezers, which he used to help with the process. Mush had his head down on the table, arms supporting his head so that his nose could rest on the ice pack.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Guess I’ll make some dinner,” said Alan. “Alden will be home soon. You two staying to eat?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Sure,” Finch shrugged. “I’ll call my mom when I’m done.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine winced away from Finch’s hands and the tweezers. “Ow.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Sorry,” said Finch.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Alan pulled out a loaf of bread, a packet of cheese, and a few cans of tomato soup and got to work making grilled cheese sandwiches for each of them. At some point, they heard the front door open and Alden yelled, “I’m home!”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Kitchin!” Alan called back.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Alden burst into the kitchen, a happy little ball of energy, but his face fell when he saw Elaine and Mush. “Whoa, what happened to you guys?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Just some bullies from school,” Elaine sighed. “Don’t worry about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“You hungry, buddy, or did you eat at Les’s?” Alan asked.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“We had a snack when we got there, but now I’m hungry,” said Alden.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Yummy!” Alden grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Sit down at the table; you can have the next one.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>After dinner, Alan took Alden upstairs to get a bath, leaving Elaine, Finch, and Mush alone downstairs. Finch washed the dishes for dinner, shooing the others into the family room to ice their injuries again. Mush sank down on the couch, and Elaine curled up against him, ankle propped on a pillow on the coffee table with the ice pack on top of it. Mush held his ice pack on his face for a little while, but soon gave up and leaned forward to position both of the packs around Elaine’s ankle. She giggled slightly as he fussed with them.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Cold,” she mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush laughed. “Well, it is ice.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“No, me,” Elaine grumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mush smiled and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. “Better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” she sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time Finch joined them, Mush was asleep, head back against the back of the couch. Elaine was nodding off, her eyes drifting shut and then snapping open as she struggled to stay awake. “Hey,” Finch whispered, settling onto the couch next to Elaine and slipping his arm around her waist. He leaned over to kiss her on the cheek. “How’s the ankle?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Icy,” Elaine yawned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah, it’s probably about time to take those off,” Finch chuckled. He grabbed the ice packs and took them into the kitchen to deposit the melting ice into the sink and drape the damp towels over the backs of the chairs before returning to the couch. Once he was settled, Elaine shifted to lean her head against his chest and sighed. Finch rested his cheek against the top of her head and smiled to himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can stay here tonight, if you want,” Elaine murmured. “There’s another couch in the living room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promised my mom I’d be home tonight,” Finch sighed. “But I’ll see you at school tomorrow, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” Elaine sighed. “It depends how my ankle feels. Madison isn’t here to question me skipping, either, so we’ll see.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finch nodded and hugged her a little closer. “I’ll come by after school to see how you’re doing.” He looked at Mush over Elaine’s head, the other boy still sound asleep. “Keep an eye on him, will you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Elaine smiled. “Should we call his dad?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He won’t be home until late, and probably won’t notice if Mush isn’t there anyways. He stays over at my house often enough anyways. Levi will probably just assume that’s where he is. Mush can call him in the mornin’; that’s the most likely time to get him anyways.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elaine nodded. “Okay. How much longer can you stay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finch glanced at the clock over the mantle. “Thirty minutes? My mom doesn’t like me drivin’ too late.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Elaine nodded sleepily, slipping her arms around Finch’s waist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>.*.*.*.*.*.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mush woke up shortly after Finch left, when Elaine came back into the family room with an armful of pillows and blankets. “Hey,” Elaine said softly, wincing as she stepped on her sprained ankle a little too heavily. She sat on the edge of the coffee table and smiled at him. “Finch went home. You’re staying here tonight.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush nodded sleepily. “Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine smiled and reached out to brush a hand over his cheek. “I brought you a pillow and some blankets. You can sleep down here. Or if you can’t sleep, you can come upstairs; I’m pretty sure my ankle hurts too much for me to sleep anyways.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush nodded again, offering her a small smile. “Thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“The aspirin is still in the kitchen, too, if you need it again. I can bring you a glass of water before I go up, if you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“No, I can get it; you shouldn’t walk too much on your ankle.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine shrugged. “A few extra steps won’t kill me. But thanks. I’ll be upstairs if you need anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>She had just climbed into the bed, resigned to stare at the ceiling as her ankle throbbed, when there was a soft knock on her door. She sat up and called out softly: “Come in.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush pushed the door open, looking sheepish. “Sorry. My face really hurts and I couldn't settle downstairs.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine smiled and scooted over to the far side of the bed, then patted the spot next to her. “Make yourself comfortable.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush seemed a little hesitant, but slipped under the blankets and laid down facing her. Elaine yawned. “Are you warm enough? There’s another blanket at the end of the bed if you’re cold.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I’m fine. You?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine shrugged. “I’m fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>They were quiet for a moment. “Thank you,” Elaine said finally.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“For what?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“For earlier. For… in the alley. With the Delanceys. Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“It was nothin’.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine snorted. “It wasn’t nothing. They’re scary guys. And if you guys hadn’t shown up when you did…”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Don’t think about it,” said Mush. “It doesn’t matter. We got there, we finished it, end of story.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine nodded. “How did you guys even know we needed help?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Finch and Buttons were havin’ issues with some of the equipment, so while they were sorting it out we went with Race because he wanted to pick up a pack of cigarettes, and we heard you screamin’. We didn’t realize who it was, but when Race saw Cora’s bag on the sidewalk, he took off and the rest of us followed.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine smiled. “I don’t think I’ve ever been happier to see anyone in my life than when I saw you running towards Morris Delancey.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush let out a short laugh. “I’m pretty sure if I’d thought about it, I would have done it differently, but the second I saw you two at the other end of that alley… I don’t know. It was like I stopped thinkin’ and just ran.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine reached out and took his hand. “I’m glad you did. Well—maybe not entirely, since you did end up with a broken nose out of it, so I’m sorry for that. But thanks for coming to my rescue.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Any time,” Mush smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Well, hopefully I won’t need you to come running in like that ever again,” Elaine laughed. “But, just in case I do, it’s kind of nice to know that you have my back.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush gave her hand a squeeze and nodded.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The next morning, Mush was initially confused to wake up and find himself in a room that was entirely pink—and a bigger, more comfortable bed than his own—but quickly remembered where he was as he focused on the small hand still clasped in his. Elaine had turned her face further into her pillow as she slept, and he could only see her in profile; one rosy cheek with a splay of dark lashes over the top of it, the edge of a round nose, half of a mouth and chin. Her dark hair had come loose of the braid she had wound it into, and a few locks fell over her forehead. He reached out and gently pushed the hair back behind her ear, allowing himself a small smile. He could hear Alan and Alden moving around in the room next to them, arguing as they got ready for school, and had a moment of panic. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What if they come in here?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine stirred slightly, making a muffled sound into her pillow. Mush tried to pull his hand away, but she gripped it more tightly. He allowed himself a small smile and squeezed her hand a little, letting himself relax back down into the bed. Alan and Alden didn’t come into the room, but he heard them tromp down the back stairs to the kitchen, Alden chattering excitedly. They weren’t quiet in the kitchen, but also didn’t spend much time there. Soon enough, he heard the front door open and close.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>He wasn’t sure how long he lay awake before Elaine finally woke up and pulled her hand away to yawn and stretch. She made a noise and recoiled, pushing the blankets down and sitting up. Her right ankle was swollen, flushed red with a few purple-y patches. “Ow,” she groaned, running her fingers over the joint. She sighed and stretched her leg back out, pulling her left knee up to her chest and resting her cheek on it so she could look over at Mush. She offered him a sleepy smile. “Morning.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Good morning,” Mush yawned, immediately regretting it as the motion sent a fresh wave of pain through his nose and sinuses.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“How’s your face?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Still attached, unfortunately. How’s your ankle?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“The same.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>He sat up and crossed his legs, picking at the hem of his jeans.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I’ll go raid Alan’s closet; find you something to wear.” She scooted to the edge of the bed, swinging her legs off the side and sliding gingerly down, trying to put as little pressure as possible on her sprained ankle.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Careful,” Mush said quickly, leaning forward to offer her his arm to lean on.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine accepted it, easing down onto her foot. “Oof. That hurts. Come on.” She hobbled carefully down the hall, Mush trailing along behind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>.*.*.*.*.*.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once they had both changed into fresh clothes—Elaine in a loose pair of overalls, white t-shirt, and knit cardigan, and Mush in a too-big pair of jeans and long-sleeved polo scavenged from the back of Alan’s closet—they crept downstairs for a breakfast of Eggo waffles and orange juice. </span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“It’s so quiet,” Mush said at one point.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine shrugged. “With Alan and Alden gone, it tends to be.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“No, I mean… Well, I live in an apartment. There’s always people comin’ and goin’, and you can hear the people in the apartments around yours. It’s like bein’ surrounded. And there’s more traffic where I live, too. Your street is so empty.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine paused, thinking. “I guess that makes sense. There’s the most traffic around here in the morning when people leave for work, and in the evening when they come home.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush nodded. “The street I live on is always busy.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine smiled. “So this must be weird.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Very,” Mush laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>After they finished eating, Mush washed their dishes while Elaine filled a pair of ice bags with fresh ice from the freezer. “I forgot about these last night,” she said sheepishly, passing one to Mush. “But those ice packs Finch made worked pretty well.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>They each took another dose of aspirin before heading back upstairs. Elaine once again refused any help to climb the stairs, but was wincing with every step she took by the time they reached the top. In her room, Mush helped her prop herself up on a bunch of pillows and rest her ankle on another, the ice bag on top of it. He sprawled on the floor, setting his ice bag over his nose and eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>They didn’t talk much. Elaine actually fell back asleep for a little while, dozing lightly in the warm sun streaming through her window. While she slept, Mush borrowed a book from her bookshelf to read, but couldn’t manage to focus on it. Instead, he laid on the floor and stared at the ceiling, trying to slow the thoughts whirling around in his head. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m not supposed to feel like this</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he reminded himself. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Finch likes her. I </span>
  </em>
  <span>can’t</span>
  <em>
    <span> like her. Not like that. I can’t like </span>
  </em>
  <span>him</span>
  <em>
    <span> either. I’m lucky enough to have them as friends. I don’t want to jeopardize that. I can’t lose them.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>.*.*.*.*.*.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mush only realized that he had fallen asleep when he woke up to something nudging his ankle. He opened his eyes—why did just doing </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> have to hurt?—and lifted his head. Elaine was laying on her stomach on the bed, hanging halfway off so that she could poke him.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Please don’t do that; it looks like you’re going to fall,” he said as he sat up.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine pulled herself back up onto the bed and propped herself up on her elbows. She shrugged awkwardly. “It’s fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“You don’t want to hurt yourself again,” Mush laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Well, no,” Elaine said. “But I do stuff like that all the time. Mostly to Alan and Alden, but still.” She shrugged again.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush looked around, eyes finally landing on the alarm clock on the nightstand next to her bed. It was nearly two o’clock.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Are you hungry?” Elaine asked.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Not really,” said Mush.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Me either.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine sighed and rolled onto her back. “I’m bored,” she announced.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush hid a smile. She sounded just like Finch inevitably did any time they skipped school together. “Skipping school always sounds like a better idea before you do it. Just because we had a valid reason to skip today doesn’t make it any less boring.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine shuffled around until she was laying crossways on the bed, her head hanging off the side so she could look at him. He watched idly as her braid slowly slipped off the edge of the bed. She jumped when it did and hit her in the face. She nodded awkwardly towards the book sitting next to him. “Did you like it?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Um… no,” Mush looked down at it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Fellowship of the Ring</span>
  </em>
  <span>, it said on the cover, by J.R.R. Tolkein. “It was really hard to follow.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Yeah, it is,” Elaine sighed. “But it’s good if you can get into it. You can borrow it if you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush picked up the book, thumbing through the pages. He shrugged. “Sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I want it back someday, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Okay,” he laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>They sat in silence for another moment. This time, Mush was the one to break it. “Hey… Could I hear you play your violin sometime?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Sure,” said Elaine. She squirmed around to sit up, and pointed to the case on the other side of the room. “If you bring it over, I’ll play it now.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush stood up and crossed the room. The case was heavier than he’d expected. When he handed it to Elaine, she set it carefully on the bed, unzipped it, and lifted a soft cloth cover off of the instrument, a soft smile playing across her lips. She took out the bow first, tightened the hairs, and gently ran a cake of rosin across them. She set that aside and lifted the violin out almost reverently. She tuned it carefully, using both a set of black wooden pegs that held the strings in at the top of the scroll and a quartet of tiny screws that anchored the other end of the strings to the instrument. Mush settled back down on the floor, leaning back on his arms as he watched her.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I hate playing sitting down,” she grumbled, scooting over to the edge of the bed. She let her legs hang over the side and straightened her back. She placed a piece of folded fabric against her collarbone—“My neck is short, so it kind of presses into my shoulder funny, but I can’t use a shoulder rest because, you know, my neck is short.”—lifted the instrument, and rested her chin on the chin rest. Her right hand settled easily on the bow, and she lifted it to the strings.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush couldn’t help but smile to hear her play. He noticed that she was smiling, too; half the time, her eyes were closed as the music rang out, reverberating off of the pink walls. She played every song she could remember without music—some only part way through, until she would stop abruptly, staring off into the distance as she tried to remember the next part. Fast songs, as well as slow, although she really seemed to prefer high-energy fiddle tunes to anything else. It was past two thirty by the time she set the instrument aside, rolling out her neck and stretching her arms.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I don’t know when the last time I played that long was,” she laughed, tucking the violin back into its case.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“You sounded great,” Mush said.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine smiled down at him. “Thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>.*.*.*.*.*.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alan was the first one home, around five thirty, hair damp from showering after football practice. “Hey, Mush,” he said as he entered the kitchen. He headed for the stove, peering into the oven. “What’s for dinner?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Casserole,” said Elaine.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“No Finch tonight?” Alan asked, heading for the stairs.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“He was supposed to come after school,” said Elaine. “But if there was going to be rehearsal, he was going to at least stop by before coming here. He’ll probably be here soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Is he staying for dinner?” Alan was already halfway up the stairs, but called back down.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I don’t know; I’ll ask when he gets here,” Elaine retorted.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Once Alan was gone, Mush set his cards down and looked at Elaine. “Are you worried?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine glanced at the clock. “A little. I’d be surprised if they had rehearsal without you, but I guess Jack could just run it. Finch didn’t seem like he expected there to be a rehearsal, either.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush nodded and propped his head up in his hands, immediately shifting position when this put pressure on the bruised parts of his face. “Do you think somethin’ else might’ve happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine worried her lip. “I hope not.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Alden was home next, just after six. They ate dinner together, and Alan and Alden went upstairs to do their homework. Mush was getting ready to walk home when the doorbell rang. He followed Elaine as she hobbled to the door and opened it. They both let out a sigh of relief to find Finch on the other side.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Finch!” Elaine grabbed his hand and pulled him into the house, wrapping him up in a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“What’s wrong?” Mush asked. He could read the expression on Finch’s face far more easily than the book he’d skimmed earlier; furrowed brow, a downward tilt to his lips, a darkness in his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine pulled away and looked up into Finch’s face. “Did something happen?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch nodded slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine nodded and closed the door. “Did you eat yet?” When Finch shook his head, she took his hand again and pulled him towards the kitchen. She set him down at the table, filled a plate with food, and set it in front of him. “Eat. Talk when you’re ready.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch nodded. He poked at the food for a moment, then set aside his fork and rested his head in his hands. Mush started to reach out for him, but pulled his hand back when Elaine set hers on Finch’s arm. Finch ran his hands through his hair, sighed, and sat back in his chair.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Albert is in the hospital.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>The knot that had been growing in Mush’s stomach since he first saw Finch’s face snapped. Elaine went pale.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“What happened?” Mush asked, his voice low.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch shook his head. “Spot got a couple of them together after we left yesterday. They went after the Delanceys.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush felt lightheaded. His hands curled into fists in his lap, clenching and unclenching. Elaine pulled away from Finch and stood up, wandering across the kitchen. She stood at the sink, back to them, staring down at the dishes stacked in it.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Morris Delancey pulled a knife and stabbed him. Romeo got his arm cut up, too, but he got stitched up and released today. It looks like Spot and Blink are going to be charged. Jack’s gone.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Wait, what about Jack?” Mush asked.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch shook his head. “Who knows. We went the the hospital to see Albert and Romeo after Race and Smalls told us what happened, and afterwards Jack started yellin’ at Race, and then said he was done with everything. We went to talk to him—well, me and Race and Tommy took Crutchie to talk to him—and he said that he was leavin’ the band, at least for a while.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine turned around at the sink, still leaning heavily on the counter. “Is Albert okay?” she asked, her voice quiet and small.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch nodded. “Medda talked to the doctor. They said he should be fine, it just will take some time.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine nodded. A tear escaped her eye and slid down her cheek. Finch stood up and crossed over to her to wrap her in his arms, resting his cheek on the top of her head. She cried quietly into his chest for a few moments before pulling away, wiping her eyes. “Go eat,” she said finally.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch led her back to the table and sat her down before retaking his own seat. He ate slowly, still picking at his food, like he didn’t have much of an appetite. He finished most of the food before pushing his plate away and sagging back in his chair again. Elaine had, at some point, crossed her arms on the table and rested her head on them. Mush was still staring vaguely off into space, fingers drumming idly against his leg as his mind spun.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch reached over and rubbed Elaine’s back between her shoulder blades. He nudged Mush’s foot with his. Mush snapped his attention back and looked over at Finch. “You okay?” Finch asked.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush nodded. “Just thinking.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch scooted his chair closer to Elaine to slip his arm around her. “You okay, Laine?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Mm-hm,” Elaine mumbled. Finch leaned over to kiss the side of her head. “Will you stay here tonight?” she asked.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Sure,” said Finch. “I have to call my mom.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine gestured vaguely towards the phone on the kitchen wall. Finch kissed her again and crossed the room. While he dialed the phone and spoke to his mother, Elaine lifted her head and looked over at Mush. “You’ll stay too?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush hesitated. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I should say no</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “Sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine smiled. “I’ll get some pajamas from Alan for you guys. You don’t have to sleep in your jeans again.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Dialogue written in &lt;&gt; is spoken in Deitsch/PA Dutch.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The night was a strange one. They didn’t talk much before bed. Finch had brought some of their homework for them, and they all did their best to work on it before finally giving up and going to bed. That was possibly the strangest part of the night, at least to Mush. Elaine crawled into the back of the bed, and Finch followed her. Mush fully intended to sleep on the floor until Finch got up and bodily dragged him into the bed, settling himself between Mush and Elaine.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>It wasn’t the first time that Mush and Finch had shared a bed; they’d been friends since they were six, and had had plenty of sleepovers through the years. Mush was used to how Finch moved in his sleep, squirming and kicking. He was used to waking up to find that Finch had rolled into him in the night, or slung an arm or leg over him. Tonight, Finch wrapped himself around Elaine, back against Mush’s side—the bed wasn’t quite big enough, especially with three people in it, for there to be any space between them—while Mush lay flat on his back, staring up at the ceiling yet again as his mind spiralled.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>His heart was pounding in his chest. He wondered if Finch could feel it, or if either of the others could hear it. It was certainly loud to his ears. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Stop. Don’t do that. Don’t feel this way. You </span>
  </em>
  <span>can’t</span>
  <em>
    <span>. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  
  <span>He didn’t remember falling asleep, but, in the morning he woke to the sound of Alan and Alden arguing in the other room. He started to get up, but was stopped by an arm wrapped around his middle and a leg hooked around one of his. It took another moment to collect himself enough to figure out what was going on. At some point in the night, Finch had, in fact, rolled around enough to wrap his arm and leg around Mush, his forehead pressed against Mush’s shoulder as he snored softly. Elaine was snuggled up against Finch’s back, head twisted awkwardly so that she faced upwards.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>A crash from the other room woke the other two. Finch started upwards, pulling his arm away from Mush to push himself up and back so that he was kneeling in the middle of the bed, blinking sleepily. Elaine groaned and rolled onto her stomach, burying her face in her pillow as she mumbled something directed at her brothers. Finch yawned and stretched and looked down at Mush. He smiled, and poked the other boy in the side.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Good mornin’.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Morning,” Mush mumbled, rolling out of bed.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch reached over to nudge Elaine, who groaned again and rolled into him. “I don’t want to go to school.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Skip,” Finch shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I skipped yesterday.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“So? Who cares?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“My dad will, if he finds out.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch shrugged and climbed out of bed. He wandered across the room to where he had left his clothes the night before. “I’m going to go get dressed.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Hey, can you grab me an elastic bandage from the medicine cabinet?” Elaine called after him. “I want to wrap my ankle for school.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Sure,” Finch called over his shoulder, disappearing down the hall.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush crossed his arms and leaned back against Elaine’s desk to wait for his turn to use the bathroom to change. Elaine crawled out of bed and limped across the room—already moving better than she had the day before—to grab clothes from her closet. “Do you want to borrow something from Alan again?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Maybe a shirt,” Mush stared ruefully at his bloodstained t-shirt.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine left the room and came back a few minutes later, accompanied by Finch and carrying a long-sleeved shirt that she handed to Mush. He left to change, and came back as Finch finished wrapping Elaine’s ankle with the elastic bandage.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Go ahead downstairs and tell Alan to feed you,” said Elaine. “I’ll be down in a minute.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Downstairs, they found Alan and Alden making breakfast—eggs, bacon, and pancakes.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Elaine and Madison aren’t the only ones around here who can cook,” Alan grinned proudly. He bit his tongue between his teeth in concentration as he slipped a spatula under the pancake in his pan and tried to flip it. Unfortunately, as he flipped the pancake, he missed the pan and wound up splattering the batter from the uncooked side all over the stove. “Fuck.” He immediately spun around and pointed at Alden, seated at the table and watching the scene unfold. “Don’t repeat that. Madison’ll kill me.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Alden giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Alan sighed and turned off the burner. “That was the last one anyways.” He joined the other boys at the table to begin eating.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine bounced her way down the stairs a few minutes later, hopping down each step on her good foot. She grinned at the others as she joined them at the table. “Morning, Al.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Thanks for the shirt, by the way, Alan,” Mush said around a mouthful of pancake.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Oh, no problem,” Alan shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Hey, Alan, Alden, you guys want a ride to school today?” asked Finch.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“You mean we can ride in your truck?” Alden asked. “Can we, Alan?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Alan shrugged. “Sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>After breakfast, they all bundled out into the brisk morning air and piled into the truck. Alden was extremely excited, bouncing up and down on Alan’s lap and chattering happily. Elaine, on Mush’s lap in the middle of the bench seat, chattered back. Mush chewed on his lip as they drove, unsure of where to put his hands—a problem he’d never had before. He finally settled for sticking them under his thighs, letting Elaine brace herself against the dash. They waved goodbye to Alden when he clambered out of the truck and ran up to his school’s door, meeting up with Les Jacobs on his way in.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>At the high school, Alan hopped out of the truck, turned to give Elaine a hand down, then vanished across the parking lot towards Bill and Darcey. Elaine waited for Finch and Mush to climb out of the truck, and they all headed into school together. Finch offered Elaine his arm, supporting her a little as she limped along. It was a grey day, the pavement damp from a heavy mist that was beginning to fade away as the morning warmed up. Near the school door, they saw JoJo, Crutchie, and Tommy standing together, Tommy finishing off a cigarette. Crutchie broke out into a grin as he saw them approaching and took a step in their direction before JoJo caught his arm, reminding him of Pulitzer’s rule.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush, Finch, and Elaine came to a stop a few feet from the others. “You okay, Crutchie?” Elaine asked.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Yeah. You?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>She shrugged, then grinned. “Could be worse.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“How’s your nose, Mush?” JoJo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Don’t remind me. It hurts more when I think about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>.*.*.*.*.*.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After rehearsal that night, Finch drove Elaine and Mush home. “Youse ain’t walkin’ home all beat up.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I just want to point out that my feet are fine,” Mush grumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Let’s go,” Finch grabbed his arm and marched him outside. Elaine followed behind, limping more than she had that morning. The day had been a hard one, for many reasons, and rehearsal without Jack had been rough and completely disorganized. They drove in silence. Elaine sat in the middle, curled up against Mush and holding Finch’s hand. Mush kept as still as possible, staring stiffly ahead out the windshield. The wipers screeched against the glass as they went back and forth, wiping away tiny raindrops that peppered the windscreen.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I think I need new ones,” Finch grumbled, squinting through the water that smeared behind the wipers.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine winced as they screeched again. “You might be right.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>At Elaine’s house, Mush climbed out to help her down. “Tell Alan I’ll wash his shirt and bring it to you in a couple days.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>She grinned and kissed him on the cheek before letting him help her out of the truck. “Take your time. He has enough clothes.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush smiled and watched her hobble up to the door. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I should’ve walked her up. No; that would’ve been weird.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He climbed back into the truck, and he and Finch both waved back as she turned in the open doorway, smiling, and lifted a hand in farewell, and then the door was closed and the truck was moving again.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>As they drove, Mush felt something strange creep over him. It started in his belly, and crept over his whole body like spiders. It felt like he needed to throw up and cry, and like words were trying to force themselves out of his chest. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I need to tell him. I need to tell him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. The words circled around and around in his brain. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t even know what I need to tell him. What am I trying to say? What…</span>
  </em>
  <span> Elaine flashed through his mind. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Should I tell him about the other night?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Can I tell you somethin’?” said Finch.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Hm?” it took conscious effort for Mush to pull himself back enough to understand the question. “Sure. What?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I finally asked her out.” Finch was beaming. “Last week. We went to a movie Saturday night.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush felt the blood rush to his head. It roared in his ears, drowning out the sound of the traffic around them. He felt, more than heard, himself say, “That’s great, Finch.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“It went great,” Finch continued. “We’s goin’ out again this week. Tomorrow, since there’s no rehearsal.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“That’s great,” Mush repeated. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What am I going to say. Sorry, I slept with your girlfriend the other night?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“She’s amazin’,” Finch smiled. “Guess I oughta thank you, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Well, if you hadn’t sent the two of us to hang posters together before auditions, we might never’ve… you know. Talked, or whatever.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush forced a smile. “Sure you would’ve.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Well, thanks anyways. As far as I’m concerned, it’s thanks to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush forced another smile and nodded. Finch came to a stop in front of his apartment building. “See you tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Bye,” said Mush. He climbed out of the truck and walked to his door without turning back to look at Finch again. It felt like his world was crashing down around him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Why does it hurt so much? He’s right. I put them together. I wanted this.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Climbing the stairs felt endless. When he finally got to his door, his hands were shaking too hard to get the key in the lock. He pressed his palms and forehead to the door and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. Another shaky breath, and he pushed away from the door. He managed to get it open this time and stepped into the apartment, letting his bag fall to the floor. He shut the door and leaned against it, slowly sliding down to sit on the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Nicky?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>His head jerked up at the sound of his name. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Why is he home?</span>
  </em>
  <span> He hadn’t even processed the question when his father barrelled out of the bedroom.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Nicky!” Levi Meyers gasped when he saw his son in front of the door. &lt;&lt;“Where have you been?”&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Daedd”—</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>&lt;&lt;“It has been two days. I haven’t heard from you in </span>
  <em>
    <span>two days</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Nicky!”&gt;&gt; Levi grabbed him by the arms and pulled him up. &lt;&lt;“Your face—what happened to your face? I don’t see or hear from you in two days, and when you come home your face looks like this? What happened? Who did this to you?”&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush pushed his father’s hands away. “It’s fine. I’m fine. It was just some bullies. They were hurting my friends”—</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>He stopped short when his father yanked him forward into a tight hug. He couldn’t remember the last time his father had hugged him. He couldn’t remember the last time his father hadn’t reeked of alcohol. When Levi pulled away, he took Mush’s face in his hands and turned it from side to side. “What happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I told you, it was just some bullies from school,” said Mush. “They attacked some of my friends. We heard the yelling and went to help. I knocked one of them down and he got my face with his elbow.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Did you go to der Haschbidaal?” Levi asked. &lt;&lt;“Huh? Did you see a doctor?”&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“No, it’s fine,” Mush pulled away. He leaned down and picked up his bag, heading for the bedroom.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>&lt;&lt;“Don’t you walk away from me, Nicky!”&gt;&gt; Levi called after him. &lt;&lt;“I am not done with you!”&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“What do you want?” Mush yelled back, tossing his bag in the vague direction of his bed.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“You have some explaining to do!” Levi trailed after him. “Where have you been?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I was with Finch,” Mush said. “Where do you think?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I didn’t know!” Levi cried, flinging his arms out. “I didn’t know where you were. It’s been two days that you’ve been gone. Two days, do you understand? Verschtehst de?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Ya, ich verschtehe!” said Mush. “I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>&lt;&lt;“You were gone for two days. You didn’t call. I didn’t know where you were. I didn’t know what happened. I called Finch’s mother; she hadn’t seen you. Or him. Where were you?”&gt;&gt;</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Finch and I were at a friend’s house.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Wer? Albert? Racetrack? Jack?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“No. No-one you know. A new friend.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“A new friend who gets into fights?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“No—it’s not like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Who are you hanging out with?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“With Finch!” Mush cried. “You know Finch. He doesn’t get in trouble. Neither do I.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“You think I didn’t notice the other bruises? Weeks ago? You </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> been getting into trouble and fighting. Don’t lie to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“It’s not like that,” Mush groaned.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Then </span>
  <em>
    <span>tell me</span>
  </em>
  <span>! Tell me what’s going on!”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush sat down on the bed and rested his head in his hands. “It’s fine. It’s—just don’t worry about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“What do you mean, ‘don’t worry’? How am I supposed to not worry? You are all I have, Nickolas. If anything happened to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush swallowed a lump in his throat. “I didn’t think you’d notice.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Notice what? The bruises?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“The bruises. That I was gone for a few nights. We hardly see each other anyways. I really didn’t think you would. I’m sorry. I should’ve called.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Levi moved forward and crouched on the floor in front of his son, looking up into Mush’s bruised face. “Why would you think I wouldn’t notice? You’re my son. Of course I notice you.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush nodded. He felt tears pricking at the back of his eyes. The pressure amplified the pain in his sinuses.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I love you, Nicky,” Levi said softly, reaching up to pull him into another hug. “I know I’ve been bad at showing it ever since your Maemm… But I do love you. If something is going on, you can tell me.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush pushed him away. “How can I tell you when I never see you? And when I do see you, you’re drunk, more likely than not.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Levi sat back. “You’re right. I know you’re right. I’m sorry—I’ve been a horrible father. I’ve hardly seen you for years. I haven’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>looked</span>
  </em>
  <span> at you, much less listened. Losing your mother… It was like looking at her when I looked at you. It hurt too much, and I couldn’t face it, so I just… stopped looking. And that was wrong. I left you alone when you needed me most, and I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush nodded. He felt numb. Too much was happening. His life was spinning out of control. Levi moved to sit next to him on the bed. He wrapped an arm around Mush’s shoulders and pulled him close.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I need you to talk to me, Nicky. I know I don’t deserve it, not after so many years of leaving you alone, but please. I’m asking you to talk to me. Tell me what is going on with you. I know that I don’t deserve it, but I promise you, right here, right now, if you give me another chance, I will be better.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Levi ruffled his hair. “What happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“It was two days ago. A couple of us walked with Race to go get some cigarettes. We heard screaming. Some bullies from school were goin’ after some of our friends in an alley. You remember Crutchie?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Little blond kid with the crutch?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Yeah. I met him around the same time as Finch, in first grade.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Yeah, nice kid. Bullies went after him? Even with the crutch?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“The Delanceys don’t care about no crutch,” Mush snorted. “The other two they went after were girls. They don’t care about that either.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“These guys go after girls and kids with crutches? Hope you got them as good as they got you.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush groaned and put his head down. “A couple of the other guys went after them later that night. They had knives. Albert’s in the hospital.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Levi swore. “Will he be okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“They think so, I guess. Finch and a bunch of the others went yesterday to see him. They talked to the doctor.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Why didn’t you go?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush chewed on his lip. “After the first fight, Finch and I took one of the girls home. Elaine. You don’t know her. I fell asleep on the couch. We, uh… we skipped school yesterday. She sprained her ankle, and my nose… The guys found out about Al after school. We didn’t find out until Finch came later. He and I stayed there last night.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Levi nodded slowly. “Danki.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“No, really. I appreciate it. I haven’t done much to deserve your trust these past few years. Thank you for telling me.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush shrugged. “It’s fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>They sat in silence for a little while. “You got homework?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I’ll do it tomorrow before class.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“You sure?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Yeah, it’s fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Levi nodded and stood up. “Look, I’m serious, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“About?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I’m going to do better. I promise. No more drinking. I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>going</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be a real father. At least, I’m going to do my best. I promise you, Nicky.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush forced a smile. “Okay. I believe you.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Levi reached out and ruffled his hair again. “You want some ice for that face?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Later. I’m going to go outside for a little first.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Levi nodded. He watched as Mush stood up, got his guitar, and climbed out onto the fire escape. It was cool outside, but not too cold. He knew that if he stayed out without a jacket on for too long, he’d be uncomfortable, but for now it wasn’t so bad. He sat with his back to the wall of the building, looking out over the city. He fiddled with the guitar for a few minutes before falling into a rhythm, picking out specific notes, and then beginning to sing softly to himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>“Wise men say</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Only fools rush in.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>But I can't help falling in love with you.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Shall I stay?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Would it be a sin</b>
</p><p>
  <b>If I can't help falling in love with you?”</b>
</p><p>
  
  <span>The talk with his father hadn’t stopped his mind spinning. It had pushed Finch and Elaine to the back of his thoughts, but hadn’t pushed them out entirely. Now they rose back to the surface, so clear that it was almost like they were there with him. Elaine smiled—she always smiled when he sang—her eyes warm and happy. She smiled with her eyes better than anyone else he knew. Her long, dark hair was down, draping itself over her shoulders and framing her face with its pink cheeks and full lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>“Like a river flows,</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Surely to the sea,</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Darling, so it goes:</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Some things are meant to be…”</b>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine would sit on the steps up to the next floor. Finch would sit in the open window, leaning against the railing next to him. Mush could picture the soft smile that would sneak across his lips as he listened. Strawberry-blond curls just long enough to be ruffled by the breeze, stormy grey eyes that would drift shut so he could focus on the music. Fingers tapping against the metal landing or foot swinging side to side in time with the song, maybe even humming along as he listened.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>“Take my hand;</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Take my whole life too,</b>
</p><p>
  <b>For I can't help falling in love with you.”</b>
</p><p>
  
  <span>He couldn’t live without them. Without either of them. The thought of losing one or both of them made his heart skip beats, his stomach drop, and his head spin. He couldn’t breathe. But watching them together, happy and smiling and dancing and holding hands, was nearly as painful.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>“Like a river flows,</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Surely to the sea,</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Darling, so it goes:</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Some things are meant to be…”</b>
</p><p>
  
  <span>The ghost of Elaine’s lips on his cheek was haunting. The touch had sent a thrill through his whole body—as any touch from her or Finch did—and left a lingering warmth there that he treasured more than almost anything else. He knew that couldn’t be normal. Normal people didn’t feel like that when their best friend brushed against them or put his arm around their shoulders. But, then, he wasn’t exactly normal. Normal people could love.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>“Take my hand;</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Take my whole life too,</b>
</p><p>
  <b>For I can't help falling in love with you.”</b>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush Meyers didn’t love. He never had, and he doubted he ever would. And yet, there was no other word for the way he felt about Finch and Elaine. He didn’t think that was normal either—loving two people at once? There was probably something against that in the Bible somewhere. There was almost </span>
  <em>
    <span>definitely</span>
  </em>
  <span> something in the Bible about loving someone the same sex as him. At least, that’s what he’d heard. The church ladies and Bible-thumpers in the building were always saying things like that. Mush had never really been to church (besides a few trips with Finch’s family when they were younger), or cared much for religion. He didn’t really care what any God—or god—thought of him. No deity that took his—or anyone else’s—mother was worth his respect. But he knew what people said about people like </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>. What would they say about him? A broken boy who couldn’t love? What would they say if they knew about </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>?</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>He sighed and rested his head back against the cold bricks. </span>
  <b>“For I can’t help falling in love with you…”</b>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It only grew more and more painful to watch Finch and Elaine together. He tried to find excuses to avoid them at school, but since everyone was on edge in the wake of the scuffles with the Delanceys, it was hard to get away. No-one would let him be alone. The others didn’t seem to notice, except for JoJo, who would wave Mush over when he arrived in the cafeteria for lunch, push Elaine—who he walked to the cafeteria after P.E.—towards Finch—who walked from chemistry with Mush—and drag Mush off to a quiet corner, ostensibly to talk about “band stuff”, but realistically just to sit in silence and not have to think.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“You ever goin’ to say anythin’ to him?” JoJo asked one day.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Huh?” Mush snapped his attention back to their table.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>JoJo rolled his eyes and took a bite of his sandwich. “Mush. Seriously. I’ve been watchin’ you look at Finch like that since you were, like… thirteen. Maybe even earlier.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Like what?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Are you serious?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“No, I’m confused.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>JoJo rolled his eyes again, even further back into his head this time. “You look at him like he’s the most important person in the world to you. Like you’d do anything for him, like jump off a bridge or take a bullet. Your eyes go all soft, especially when you think no-one’s watching. Sometimes you even smile. Do you know how rarely you smile? It’s not a lot. And it’s mostly at, or about, or to Finch. Elaine too, lately. And all the rest of us occasionally. But mostly Finch.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush gaped at him. “I… what?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>JoJo shook his head. “Never mind.” He stood up and headed for the cafeteria door, stopping to toss out his trash on the way. It took Mush a second longer, but he gathered up his things and ran after his friend.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“JoJo!” he called, as quietly as possible while still being reasonably loud enough for the other boy to hear. “JoJo! You can’t just </span>
  <em>
    <span>say</span>
  </em>
  <span> somethin’ like that and walk away!”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>JoJo shrugged. “Why not?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I—wh—because… Because you can’t!”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Not a good enough argument.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush grabbed JoJo’s arm and dragged him into the nearest bathroom. A quick check under the stall doors proved it empty, and he turned to face JoJo, who stood, arms crossed defensively, leaning against one of the sinks. “What are you tryin’ to say?” Mush hissed.</span>
</p><p>
  
  
  <span>JoJo sighed. “If you can’t admit it to yourself, hearin’ it from me ain’t goin’ to do you any good.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush ran his hands through his hair. He could see himself in the mirror behind JoJo: nose still bruised, dark circles under his eyes, hair wild and practically sticking straight up. He didn’t look particularly sane at the moment. “I think I need to hear it,” he whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>JoJo shrugged. “You love him. Don’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush took a shaky step forward and had to catch himself on the sink as his knees gave out. “I don’t know,” he whispered, throat tight. JoJo rubbed his back between his shoulder blades. He was grateful for the touch—it grounded his spinning head and helped him begin to find his way back to reality.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Sorry,” JoJo whispered. “I thought you knew.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush let out a bark of a laugh. “You’d think I would, right? Somethin’ like that?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>JoJo shrugged. “Sometimes I guess it just kind of… hits you in the face.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I’m pretty sure that was Morris Delancey’s elbow.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>JoJo laughed. Outside, the bell rang. “Come on. Let’s get to class.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush scowled at himself in the mirror. He hurriedly tried to get his hair to settle down again, but only managed to make it worse. “Great. Here we go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>.*.*.*.*.*.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As soon as their social studies teacher turned his back on the classroom, Mush felt a tapping on his shoulder. He glanced back. Finch was leaning forward at his desk. Mush sighed inwardly and leaned back. “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“You okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Fine. Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Your eyes are all red. Like you were crying.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“It’s just my sinuses. They’re still messed up from my nose.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Mr. Meyers, Mr. Cortez, care to share with the rest of the class?” the teacher called from the front of the classroom.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Sorry, sir!” Finch called. “I spaced out and missed somethin’. Mush was just fillin’ me in.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Yes, well, next time direct your questions to </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>, not your classmates,” the teacher droned. “If I catch you two talking again, it’s detention for you both.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>A few classes later, Mush was waiting outside of his English class for Finch and Davey to join him. Once they got there, the three of them headed to meet Cora and Elaine after their history class. Then, Cora and Davey went on their merry way to the other side of campus, while Mush, Finch, and Elaine headed for their classes—Finch to science, and Mush and Elaine to German. As they walked, Elaine and Finch arm-in-arm and Mush trailing a step behind. He could feel his stomach twisting into knots. It was getting harder to breathe. “I have to go to my locker,” he said abruptly.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Wait, now? Your locker’s downstairs. You’ll be late to class!” Finch called after him.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I’ll be fine,” Mush waved over his shoulder. He thought he’d escaped, but heard running footsteps over the blood rushing through his ears, and then Elaine’s hand was through his arm. “I said I was fine. Now you’ll be late, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine shrugged. “It’s fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“You hate bein’ late to class.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“It’s fine,” she repeated. “It’ll be okay, because we’ll be going in together. I won’t feel so weird.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I might actually go to the nurse. I’m not feelin’ too good.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“You don’t look too good,” said Elaine. “You’re all pale, and you’ve got a weird look in your eyes.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Yeah, I have a headache and I’m startin’ to get nauseous.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Well, I’ll walk you then. It’ll be my excuse for German.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I can walk myself. You should get to class.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“We don’t walk alone, remember? The Delanceys? They already broke your nose, you don’t want to give them the chance to do anything else.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I’ll be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Mush…”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>He could hear the worry in her voice.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Are you sure you’re okay? You’ve been kind of weird lately.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I’m fine. I just don’t feel great.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>She relented, lapsing into silence as they kept walking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>.*.*.*.*.*.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the nurse’s office, Elaine faked her own headache to stay in the nurse’s office and skip class. She and Mush lay side by side on a pair of cots. Elaine turned her head to the side, watching Mush as he lay next to her. He looked like he was asleep, but she could tell that he was faking it by the rise and fall of his chest. She felt her heart skip a beat, and told herself that it was just worry causing it. That was definitely it. Not anything else. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You already </span>
  </em>
  <span>have</span>
  <em>
    <span> a boyfriend, idiot. No looking at anyone else. Definitely not his best friend.</span>
  </em>
  <span> She chewed her lip and took him in: the line of his jaw; the way his leg was raised, bent at the knee, muscles tense under his jeans; the dark spray of his eyelashes against the soft purple of the almost faded bruises on his cheek. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something in her wanted to reach out and take his hand, but she wasn’t sure how it would be received. He had almost recoiled when she touched his arm earlier, and had been distant for days now. She draped an arm over her forehead and stared up at the ceiling, the back of her eyes burning. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Why are you crying? There’s nothing to cry about. Except maybe starting to lose one of your best friends… I guess that counts.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>When the bell rang, she sighed and dragged herself upright. “That’s the end of the day. Let’s go home. No rehearsal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mush sighed and sat up. “Is Finch drivin’ you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, he’s working. I’m going to walk with Davey to get Les and Alden. You want to come along?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need to run some errands on my way home. Maybe another time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Elaine nodded. “You’ll walk me out, though, right?” She offered him a small smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure,” said Mush. His smile was forced, but he walked beside her to the door, hands in his pockets and a distant look in his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mush, are you okay?” Elaine asked once they were outside and the racket of teenagers excited to be free for the weekend had subsided a little. She started to reach out for him, but stopped herself and stuffed her hands into her own pockets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine. Just the headache. Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just… You’ve been weird, lately. Since the Delanceys last week, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? I didn’t realize.” He smiled at her, less forced this time, but it still didn’t quite seem to reach his eyes. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to worry you. I’m fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hesitated, but nodded, a smile flitting across her own lips. “Finch and I are going skating tomorrow. Do you want to come?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyebrows shot up. “No? I don’t want to interrupt your date.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wouldn’t be interrupting! We </span>
  <em>
    <span>like</span>
  </em>
  <span> spending time with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. I should work on some arrangements for next week.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, if you change your mind, we’ll be at the roller rink.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Elaine!” she turned at Davey’s voice, and saw him waving from the doorway of the school.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should go. Don’t want to make Alden and Les wait.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Be careful,” Mush said. He looked like he wanted to say something else, or reach out for her, but did neither. Instead, he forced another smile, turned, and walked away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Davey,” Elaine said as the dark-haired boy jogged up to her. “No Cora?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s babysitting tonight,” said Davey. “Let’s go. We’ll be late.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elaine nodded and fell into step beside him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is Mush okay?” Davey asked after a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” said Elaine. She had drifted off for a moment, her mind still lingering on the other boy. “What was that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mush. Is he okay? He seemed off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” Elaine admitted. “He’s been… weird, for lack of a better word, lately.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’d noticed. Real quiet at rehearsals—quieter than normal, anyways. At first I thought it was just everything with the Delanceys, and Albert being in the hospital, and Jack going AWOL and all, but… I don’t know. Something tells me that’s not it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not really sure,” said Davey. “I can’t quite put my finger on it. Maybe you should say something to Finch. Have him talk to Mush. They’ve been friends the longest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elaine nodded. She chewed on her lip and sighed. “I just wish there was something I could do to help him. He’s my friend, too. But I feel like he doesn’t want me around half the time lately. But… </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> want to be around </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Davey kept his mouth shut and looked pointedly everywhere but Elaine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” she glared up at him. “Davey. What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. “It’s none of my business.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Davey Jacobs, I will tackle you right now and sit on you if that’s what it takes. Talk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Davey groaned. “Why are you almost as scary as Cora sometimes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She inspires me. Talk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Davey grumbled to himself, brow furrowing as he tried to figure out what he wanted to say. “Look… Don’t get mad at me, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would I be mad at you, Davey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Scary…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Talk</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Well… You know how happy Finch makes you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah? Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’s just really obvious is all. And I get it. It’s how I feel when I’m with Cora—or even when I just look at her or hear her voice. It makes me so happy; it feels like my heart is going to jump out of my chest. I want to sing and dance and shout about how much I love her. I want to tell everyone. I’m sure it’s obvious to the rest of you. I couldn’t hide it if I tried.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elaine smiled despite herself. “Yeah. You get all smiley and goofy and clumsy. You drop things and play wrong notes and trip over stuff and forget words in the middle of sentences. It’s kind of cute.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, wow, okay, I didn’t realize it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> obvious.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I pay attention.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... Moving on. You do it too, you know. When you’re with Finch, your eyes light up. You stand up a little straighter, and it’s like you’re being pulled towards him. You can’t keep your eyes off of him sometimes. You listen to every word he says with every bit of concentration you can muster. You even </span>
  <em>
    <span>lean</span>
  </em>
  <span> towards him sometimes. And it’s like the two of you always have to be touching. His hand on your shoulder, yours on his back, </span>
  <em>
    <span>holding</span>
  </em>
  <span> hands. You do this thing where you link pinkies, and if you sit next to each other, he’ll move his leg so it’s against yours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elaine was quiet for a moment. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I didn’t realize all of </span>
  </em>
  <span>that. “What does that have to do with Mush?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well… you’re like that with him, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When he talks, you listen. Sometimes, if you’re in another conversation, you lose track of it. You follow him with your eyes, even when you’re with Finch. Actually, when you’re with Finch, it’s like you can relax from trying to keep track of him to watch Mush. You’ll stand in Finch’s arms and keep your eyes on Mush. Or if you’re not </span>
  <em>
    <span>with</span>
  </em>
  <span> Finch, your eyes will go back and forth between the two of them, like you need to know where they both are at all times. And Mush is the only one you touch like Finch. Like I’ve seen you hold hands with Cora and even Albert, and sit with your arm around Crutchie, but with Mush… you’ll go up behind him when he’s sitting and working and just drape yourself over his shoulder. When you set next to him, you sit right up against him, like you do with Finch. You hold his hand, and put your arms around him. I’ve even seen you lean towards him like you do with Finch. And when he talks—just like with Finch—you hang on every word. And your eyes do the same thing that they do with Finch and light up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elaine was stunned. She stared off into the distance, plodding methodically along. Davey had to grab her arm to stop her from walking out into an intersection without looking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What does that mean, Davey?” she whispered, voice hoarse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” said Davey. “I don’t… I don’t think it’s a </span>
  <em>
    <span>bad</span>
  </em>
  <span> thing. Not necessarily, at least. You care about them both. There’s nothing wrong with that. I think you need to talk to Finch about it, first at least. And probably Mush at some point. I know you don’t want to hurt either of them, but the longer you let it go, the more likely that is to happen, and the worse it will be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elaine nodded slowly. “I just… I don’t know what to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” said Davey. “Who would? I don’t figure you’ve been in a situation like this before. I’d kind of be more surprised if you </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> know what to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elaine nodded again. “Yeah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they got to the elementary school, they found Les and Alden waiting outside. “See you on Monday, Les!” Alden called, waving as his friend walked the other direction down the street.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye, Al!” Les waved back before turning away to tag along beside Davey.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alden and Elaine walked in silence. “Do you want to take a bus or something? Is your ankle okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, Al,” she smiled down at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why are you all weird?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Clearly we’ve done a really good job of teaching you about subtlety at home,” Elaine muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well? I’m waiting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Geez!” Elaine laughed. “Don’t worry about it. I’m just worried about a friend. It’s nothing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, whatever,” Alden grumbled. “Don’t tell me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s the truth, Al,” Elaine grinned. “Mind your manners.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they got home, Elaine made Alden a snack and left him at the kitchen table to eat it and do his homework. “I’ll be in my room. Tell Alan it’s his turn to make dinner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In her room, she tossed her book bag aside, kicked off her shoes, threw her jacket over the back of her chair, and flopped down on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She thought about what Davey had said while they were walking. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Is… Is he right? Do I do that? Do I look at Mush the same way I look at Finch?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>“Why do fools fall in love?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Why do birds sing so gay?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>And lovers await the break of day</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Why do they fall in love?”</b>
</p><p>
  
  <span>She thought about the boys for a minute while she hummed, half-whispering the lyrics to herself in the darkening room. She thought about Finch, all strawberry-blond curls and eyes the color of autumn clouds and barely-there freckles and scars from acne and rough hands and long fingers and bony wrists and poky knees and sharp elbows and and and…</span>
</p><p>
  <b>“Why does the rain fall from above?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Why do fools fall in love?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Why do they fall in love?”</b>
</p><p>
  
  <span>And then there was Mush. Inevitably similar to Finch, simply by the fact that they’d known each other for so long. They smiled almost the same way, held their weight the same way when they stood. She smiled, thinking of the way they stood when they were angry: mirror images they would be, with their feet shoulder-width apart, arms crossed over chests, chins jutting out, brows furrowed, lips turned downward, shoulders back.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>“Love is a losing game;</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Love can be a shame!</b>
</p><p>
  <b>I know of a fool, </b>
</p><p>
  <b>You see,</b>
</p><p>
  <b>For that fool is me!”</b>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Where Finch was close-cropped, red-tinted curls, Mush’s hair was a mop of heavy, unruly brown waves that behaved however they wanted—or, rather, however he </span>
  <em>
    <span>didn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> want them to. His eyes were almost the same warm brown as his hair, glimmering with kindness. He had a round nose and red cheeks and a firm jaw, strong arms and legs and broad shoulders, calloused fingertips and wrists that popped and one of the brightest smiles she’d ever seen on a human being.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>“Tell me why, why, why,</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Tell me why,</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Why do birds sing so gay?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>And lovers await the break of day?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Why do they fall in love?”</b>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Being near either of them was… well, Davey was right. It felt like her heart was swelling so that it would burst out of her chest, just by being near them. It had started with Finch; the first day they’d driven together to hang posters to advertise the auditions, she’d spent the whole ride with her heart pounding so hard she could hear it and swore Finch must have too. He still made her pulse race—a little less… life-threateningly, but it still happened. Mush was newer. She almost hadn’t noticed it at first. When they sang with Crutchie in Medda’s club was the first time she’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> felt it. It wasn’t so much as to make her dizzy, like that first time with Finch. And the more time they spent together, the more it happened.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>“Why does my heart skip a crazy beat?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Before I know it will reach defeat!”</b>
</p><p>
  
  <span>She remembered their touch. The warmth of Finch’s hand on the small of her back as he pulled her close in the crowded school hallways, the way Mush’s callouses would catch on the soft skin of the base of her wrist when he took her hand. The way Finch’s lips ghosted against the back of her neck when he bent down to whisper in her ear. Mush’s hands around her waist and his shoulders under her hands when he lifted her down from Finch’s truck.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>“Tell me why, why, why,</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Why do fools fall in love?”</b>
</p><p>
  
  <span>She could hear their voices, swirling around her, laughing, singing, talking. Quiet, loud, whispers, shouts. She groaned and rolled onto her stomach to scream into her bedding. A few minutes later, she heard footsteps on the back stairs, and then a soft knock on her door.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Elaine?” called Alden. “Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine sighed. “I’m fine. Just frustrated. Math. Is Alan home?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“He’s making dinner.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I’ll be down in a minute.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Finch. Hey, Finch. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Finch</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>The calling went unheard. Tommy sighed and snapped his fingers in front of his friend’s face. “Finch. Hello? You in there?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Huh?” Finch shook his head. “What’s that?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Tommy arched an eyebrow. “You okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Yeah, just thinkin’.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“...About?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Nothing,” Finch shook his head again. He fiddled with the tool in his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Tommy shrugged and got back down on the creeper he had been using to get under the car in their bay. He rolled back under the car, counting down from seven—the number of seconds he figured it would take before Finch said what was actually on his mind.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>He was at two when Finch spoke again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tommy sighed and rolled back out, looking expectantly up at the other boy. “Well?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just talk,” said Tommy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well… How much do you see Mush at school?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tommy’s brow furrowed. “Mush? Not much. Usually just lunch and gym. Maybe passin’ in the halls… twice? Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He just seemed weird today is all,” Finch shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Here we go</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Tommy pushed himself under the car. “At least pretend to work. I don’t want to get fired over you daydreamin’.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finch dropped down and peered at Tommy. “He’s been weird for a while, really. But today was </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> weird.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How so?” Tommy sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not… </span>
  <em>
    <span>entirely</span>
  </em>
  <span> sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Finch…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never mind. Just talk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, he was quiet all mornin’. I didn’t think too much of that. He’s been quiet a lot lately. The past couple weeks, since the Delanceys. I figured he was upset about it or somethin’. Freaked out, maybe. He’s been avoidin’ everyone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tommy thought for a moment. “You’re right. I hadn’t realized, but, yeah, you’re right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He always comes and talks when he’s upset, though,” said Finch. “That’s what we do. One of us is upset about somethin’, whether or not it has to do with the other person, we </span>
  <em>
    <span>talk</span>
  </em>
  <span> about it. Best way to work things out. Always has been. Ever since we were kids, we worked things out talkin’ to each other. Albert used to fight when he was upset—Race and Jack sometimes too. Specs does math. JoJo plays with his baby sister. Crutchie reads. Mush </span>
  <em>
    <span>talks</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would’ve thought he’d write music.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, when he’s upset he can’t. And he hasn’t been doing a lot of writing, lately, obviously, with how much we’ve been recycling arrangements.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess that makes sense.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And then today he was just… </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> weird.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go on,” Tommy sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He hardly said anything all mornin’. We had homeroom, chemistry, and a study hall, and he barely said </span>
  <em>
    <span>two words</span>
  </em>
  <span> the whole time. Then, at lunch, he ran off to sit with JoJo—which he’s been doin’ a lot lately, and that’s fine and all, he just seems all weird about it, and will never say what they talk about or anythin’”—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you need to know what they talk about?” Tommy arched his eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t!” Finch said quickly. “But I asked him once, and he wouldn’t answer me. And I watched them a few times, and it looks like they hardly say a word to each other most days. I even asked JoJo once and all he said was ‘band stuff’ and then he wandered away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Finch…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t be so nosy if it wasn’t so weird!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And then today—did you notice?—they both practically ran out of the cafeteria, and then in class after, Mush’s eyes were all red like he was cryin’.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” Tommy pushed himself out from under the car again, sitting up a little to look up at Finch. “Pass me that spanner, will you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finch stood up to get the other tool. “I asked him about it in class after, and he said that it was just irritation from his nose still bein’ all messed up or somethin’, but… I don’t know. That just smelled fishy to me. This the one you want?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finch passed him the wrench. “And then at the end of the day, we was walkin’ Elaine to her and Mush’s German class, and he just… stopped. And then tried to run off. Said he needed somethin’ from his locker. But it was the last class of the day; what could he have needed that couldn’t wait?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Finch. You’re bein’ paranoid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Elaine went after him. And then neither of them came out of the class after school—I’m pretty sure they skipped.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, they were in the nurse’s office. Boots and Henry and I saw them come out. Didn’t get a chance to ask why.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finch stared at him, wide-eyed. “Really? Weird… I’ll have to ask Elaine about it tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tommy sighed and shook his head, rolling himself back under the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” asked Finch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tommy, </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just… I think maybe you’re readin’ into things too much. Payin’ too much attention.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How so?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tommy groaned and rolled back out, sitting himself up properly. He spared a glance at their supervisor’s office, making sure the man wasn’t watching. “Look. Finch. You’ve… you know. You’ve got a girlfriend now. Maybe you just… gotta let it go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let what go? Because I have a girlfriend, I can’t have a </span>
  <em>
    <span>best</span>
  </em>
  <span> friend, too? Elaine likes Mush.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This is </span>
  </em>
  <span>exactly</span>
  <em>
    <span> where I didn’t want this conversation to go</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Tommy groaned to himself. “It’s just… I mean, it’s obvious what you and Mush had. But you guys were never serious. I thought maybe one day you would be, but then you and Elaine started goin’ out. Did you ever </span>
  <em>
    <span>talk</span>
  </em>
  <span> to him about that? Maybe that’s what he’s angry about…” He trailed off as he noticed the look of pure confusion on Finch’s face. “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the actual </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span> are you talking about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh…” Tommy stared blankly at the other boy. “Wait. Wait. Hang on a minute… Were you and Mush </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> together?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finch’s jaw dropped. “You—what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tommy shrugged. “I’ve always thought you were. To some extent, anyways. Just… somethin’ about the way you were with each other. The way you look at each other. You talk differently to each other than to other people. Act differently. You know. That stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tommy groaned, laid back down, and shoved himself back under the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tommy, come on!” Finch whined. He grabbed the edge of the creeper and tried to pull Tommy out, but the other boy braced himself firmly with both feet and wouldn’t budge. “You can’t just </span>
  <em>
    <span>say</span>
  </em>
  <span> that and not explain.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope. Not sayin’ another word. Because </span>
  <em>
    <span>apparently</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’m the one who’s been readin’ too much into things, and for the past couple years, too. So now I’m just goin’ to shut my mouth and not say another word.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finch glared at him. “You can’t stay under there forever, you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Long enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not nearly. We’re done in ten minutes. Then you’ll </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> to tell me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll have to make me first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>.*.*.*.*.*.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As soon as he clocked out, Tommy sprinted out the door, hoping he could get to his car and lock the door before Finch could catch him. He’d underestimated Finch’s speed and the difference between the length of their strides, however. Finch was on his heels before he’d even hit the garage door, and made it to Tommy’s car first, leaning against the driver’s door so that Tommy couldn’t open it. He could’ve tried to get to another door, of course, but it wasn’t worth it. Tommy sighed, crossed his arms, and glared at Finch until the rest of the parking lot was empty.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“You’re not leaving here until you tell me what you meant,” said Finch.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Your mom’s goin’ to worry if you’re late.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“She’ll be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Tommy arched an eyebrow. “Your funeral.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Just… I just need to know what you meant. What you saw. Why did you think… Well, why did you think me and Mush were together?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“There’s a lot of things. Little things. The way you two act together. Like I said. When… when he talks, you listen. Better than you do to anyone else. You always just </span>
  <em>
    <span>stop</span>
  </em>
  <span> for him, and you never stop. You don’t take your eyes off of him when he’s speaking. Even Elaine doesn’t get that from you. And when the two of you look at each other, it’s like you forget everyone else for a second. Just a second. I don’t… I don’t know how else to say it.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch’s knees bent, and he leaned forward to rest his hands on them, back still braced against Tommy’s car, staring at the ground between his feet. His chest was tight. “Is that… Do I really..?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Tommy hid a little smile. “Yeah. You do.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“What about… What about with Elaine?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Tommy shrugged. “It’s similar. You listen to her, nearly as well anyways. And you’re always lookin’ at her and just… </span>
  <em>
    <span>smiling</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She doesn’t have to be doin’ anythin’. Not even lookin’ at you. She could be sittin’ and lookin’ away, or talkin’ to Cor or someone, and you’ll just be starin’ at her and smilin’. It’s kind of cute. Gross, but cute.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch laughed, a short, hard sound. “Do you think…”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I think you love her, yeah,” Tommy shrugged again. “Least as far as I can see. But I think you do Mush, too. So just… just think about it. Think about them. Maybe </span>
  <em>
    <span>talk</span>
  </em>
  <span> to them. They both deserve to know. You’ll have to make a choice eventually.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>A look of horror crossed Finch’s face. “Choose?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“You don’t get to have it both ways,” Tommy sighed. “You’ll have to… I don’t know, </span>
  <em>
    <span>pick</span>
  </em>
  <span> one sooner or later. That sounds awful, but I mean…”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch shook his head. “I can’t,” he whispered. “I couldn’t lose either of them… How could I choose?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Tommy immediately felt guilty. “I’m not sayin’ you can’t, like, be friends with both of them… But, you know. You can’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> them both. And no sense leadin’ the other on. It’ll just be worse if you wait.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch could feel a hollow pit growing in his stomach. “I don’t think I can…”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Tommy took a step closer and reached out to rest a hand on Finch’s shoulder. “Look… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anythin’.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Yeah, well, maybe if I weren’t an actual </span>
  <em>
    <span>idiot</span>
  </em>
  <span> I would’ve figured it out for myself,” Finch laughed shakily and straightened up. “Because you’re right. I… I </span>
  <em>
    <span>genuinely</span>
  </em>
  <span> didn’t think about it. But it’s true. I love them both.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>.*.*.*.*.*.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That night, Finch lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, unable to sleep. He could hear his sisters on the other side of the wall, giggling and whispering. They genuinely thought they were quiet, as far as he could tell; it was amazing their parents never heard them. He didn’t mind the racket too much. Tonight in particular, it gave him something to tune out so that he could focus on his thoughts.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>He thought back to childhood. To meeting Mush for the first time: a shy little boy, being pushed around by none other than the Delancey twins, although they hadn’t built up their reputation just yet, missing three teeth in the front of his mouth, and with the strangest accent he had ever heard. Mousy brown hair, big brown eyes, and barely coming up to Finch’s shoulder… He trailed along at Finch’s heels from that moment on, letting Finch do the talking as much as possible, at least for the first few months, until his teeth came in and his accent became clearer. He was always quiet, though. Taking music classes with Medda was the beginning of him opening up. Finding music was like he had found his stride, finally beginning to come out of his shell. He got… happier. Louder, which certainly fit in with the rest of their friends. Smiled more. Smile… that smile. Finch hadn’t realized how much he loved seeing Mush smile. Not until high school, or close to it. He hadn’t even realized that he was trying to </span>
  <em>
    <span>make</span>
  </em>
  <span> Mush smile at first. Jokes, quips, goofing off with Mike and Ike and Albert and Race. But he couldn’t help it. He would do anything to see that smile.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine was different. As soon as he saw her, he knew. He’d had crushes before—one or two, at least—but the second she had walked through Medda’s door, he’d just… known. It was something that could be explained. It was instantaneous. He hadn’t believed in love at first sight before her. And the first afternoon they’d spent together… His heart had spent the whole day trying to climb it’s way up his throat and out his mouth. He had felt like every word that escaped was absolutely wrong, but she kept giggling and smiling shyly and looking up at him through her eyelashes, so he didn’t figure he had done too badly.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>He was happy that the two of them got along. His best friends, they were, and he had been grateful that they liked each other. Now he wondered if he only wanted them to like each other so that he wouldn’t have to choose between them. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Thanks a lot, Tommy.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He groaned and rolled onto his side to stare up at the window above his bed. He could barely see the moon through it, thanks to the smog and light pollution, but trained his eyes on the sliver of silver. The cool light was calming, soothing to the chaos of his spinning mind. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Has anyone else seen what Tommy’s seen? Do they all think the same thing? What about Mush? Elaine? What do they think?</span>
  </em>
  <span> He sighed and rolled back onto his back, flinging an arm over his face to block out the light and his sisters’ voices.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>You’ll have to pick one sooner or later.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Tommy’s voice pierced the rattling thoughts, silencing everyone else. “How?” Finch whispered to the moon. “How do I decide who will break my heart less to lose?”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Elaine chewed on her thumbnail, staring off into space. Rehearsal had stalled, with Finch, Albert, and Mush trying to work through a tricky spot of the music. Cora had joined Davey on the piano bench, and they were chatting quietly, Davey trying to teach her a simple melody. Boots had joined Elmer by the drum kit, and Race had wandered over to the bar for a glass of water. Tommy and Crutchie were talking softly next to her, but she wasn’t listening to them.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>If she was looking at or listening to anything, it was Mush and Finch—not that she realized it at first. She watched the way Mush showed the notes for the riff to Albert, how Finch focused on his left hand as he played through the unfamiliar chord sequence. She also noticed that they didn’t stand as near each other as they usually did, or look at each other much, if at all, and any glances they did spare for each other were brief. Fleeting. She wondered why, her heart tightening in her chest. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Can they tell? Do they know how I feel? Did Finch figure out that he isn’t the only one… the way I feel about Mush too?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Albert?” Mush and Finch both reached out to catch the redhead as he lost his balance.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Sorry; just lost my focus for a second there,” Albert mumbled. Finch held him up while Mush went to grab a chair. By the time Albert was seated, Race had brought a glass of water to him as well. “Stop hovering,” Albert grumbled. “I’m fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“It’s your first day back,” said Mush, lifting the strap of his guitar over his head and setting the instrument aside. “We don’t need to push too hard. Let’s take a break.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Don’t on my account,” said Albert. “You guys can keep going if you need to.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“We’ll take a break,” Mush said firmly. “Everyone, take five.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Tommy slipped off his stool. “Either of you want a drink?” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Sure,” said Crutchie. Elaine nodded, and Tommy walked away. As soon as he was gone, Crutchie dug his elbow into Elaine’s side. “What is going on?” he hissed.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Huh?” she turned her blank stare to him.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Geez. You’re pretty obvious, you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Did you and Finch have a fight or something?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“No. Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Well, you walked here this morning.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“His mom wanted him to come to church, so I said I’d just walk.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“And you’ve hardly spoken to him since you got here.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“We were both late. Didn’t have a chance.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“That doesn’t stop you normally.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine shrugged. “We spent all day yesterday together. Nothing to talk about, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Again, that doesn’t normally stop you.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine shook her head, looking down at her shoes. Her hair fell to hide her face, and she wrapped her arms around her stomach. She suddenly felt sick, and like she wanted to cry.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Here you go,” said Tommy, appearing in front of them with two glasses.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine didn’t even realize she was moving at first. But then she was past Tommy, past Albert and Race, past Finch and JoJo at the bar, and out Medda’s door.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>One of the glasses Tommy was holding hit the floor and shattered. That was the first thing most of the others noticed. The streak of Elaine racing for the door was almost an afterthought. No-one moved for a moment. Finch stared dumbfounded after his girlfriend, telling himself that he should be chasing after her.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I’ll go,” said JoJo, pushing off the bar. “Get back to work. We have a show tonight.” He ran out the door after Elaine, just as Medda came out of her office.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Did I hear glass breaking?” Medda asked.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Yeah, sorry, that was me,” Tommy said quickly. “I’ll clean it up.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Medda nodded. “See that you do. Cleaning supplies are in that closet.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Tommy headed for the door she indicated while Crutchie, Finch, and Buttons moved the stools and equipment out of the way. Finch knelt to help Tommy pick up pieces of glass and put them in the dustpan. “Shouldn’t you go after her?” Tommy whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Probably,” Finch snapped. He stood up and stalked out the back door.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>What</span>
  </em>
  <span> is going on?” said Davey.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Mush?” said Race. “Cor? Any ideas?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Cora shook her head. “Elaine hasn’t said anythin’ to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush shook his head as well when everyone turned to him, expectant looks on their faces. “No idea,” he lied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>.*.*.*.*.*.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>JoJo found Elaine in an alley a few blocks from the club. She was sitting on the ground, knees pulled up to her chest, face buried in her arms. Her shoulders shook as she cried. He sighed, glanced around, and sank to the ground next to her. “Hi.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine sniffled. She raised her head just far enough to peek at him through a curtain of dark hair, then lowered it again.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>JoJo wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. “You’re gettin’ your overalls all dirty.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“It’ll wash out,” Elaine mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“You okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>They sat quietly, the cold and vague damp of the pavement slowly creeping through the fabric of their pants to sting the backs of their legs. “I would’ve grabbed my jacket on the way out if I’d known we’d be sittin’ like this,” JoJo sighed. Elaine was starting to shiver against his side, so he rubbed her arm, both for reassurance and warmth. He picked lint off of his pants and threw it on the ground. Minutes passed. Slowly, Elaine’s sniffling sobs quieted. She leaned in closer to JoJo, appreciating the warmth and contact. “What’s wrong, Elaine?” he said finally.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I… I think I m-messed up.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Messed up?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“With F-F-Finch. I messed u-up and-d now he-he’s going to h-h-hate me.” The tears were flowing harder and faster now. JoJo frantically searched his pockets for a handkerchief or tissue, but came up dry. Elaine scrubbed her sleeve over her face and under her nose; the rough fabric left her skin red.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Finch won’t hate you. He couldn’t hate you. He loves you.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say, as Elaine went into a fresh round of sobs. JoJo winced. “Sorry?” he tried.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“No-o-o-o,” she wailed. “He </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> going to h-hate me-e.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“He’s not goin’ to hate you,” JoJo said, unable to think of anything better to say. “I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine pulled away and stood up, taking a few shaky steps away. Dirt, grime, and oil stained the back, seat, and legs of her soft pink corduroy overalls, a stark contrast to her usually pristine appearance. “You… you don’t… you don’t know. What I-I’ve done.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>JoJo felt his heart drop. “Elaine… what’s going on? What happened? What… what did you do?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>She shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself. “I’m horrible. An awful person. I… I didn’t mean to. I didn’t realize. I should never…” She started sobbing again, slowly sinking to her knees on the asphalt. JoJo jumped up and hurried over to her. He put his arms around her and gently pulled her to her feet.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Come on. Let’s go somewhere and talk, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>.*.*.*.*.*.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Albert glanced at the front door of the club. “JoJo and Elaine ain’t back yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Neither is Finch,” said Race, looking at the back door.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Come on, guys, we have to focus,” said Mush. “We </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> have a show tonight, which we are </span>
  <em>
    <span>definitely</span>
  </em>
  <span> not ready for.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Albert and Race traded glances. “You ain’t worried?” said Albert. “Bout Finch and Laine? You don’t want to know where they are? Why they ran out and haven’t come back?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Of course I do,” Mush said stiffly. “But I have priorities. We have a show to put on. We have to focus on that—</span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> have to focus on that. Especially if Finch isn’t going to be here.” He balled his hands into fists to hide their shaking.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Davey stood up from the piano and put a hand on Mush’s shoulder. “Maybe we should take another break. Just for a few minutes. It’s… clearly a hard day for everyone. We’re all stressed. Let’s just take ten minutes to calm down, get our heads on straight. Catch our breath, you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush frowned, but nodded after a moment. “Sure. Ten minutes.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Slowly, the others set aside their instruments. Race nudged Albert’s arm and headed for the back door. “Mush, you want a smoke?” Race called.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Maybe in a minute,” Mush called back.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Race shrugged and followed Albert out the door. To their absolute surprise, they found a very morose Finch sitting on the back gate of his truck, head in his hands. The boys traded glances, then approached him cautiously.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Finch?” Albert said, warily.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“You, uh… you okay, buddy?” said Race.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch shot upright, cheeks flushed red. “Uh, yeah. Fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Albert and Race traded another glance, complete with rolling eyes, and joined Finch on the gate. “Yeah, you sure seem fine,” Albert snorted.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“This,” Race waved his hand in Finch’s direction, “is most definitely normal.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch shook his head. “I don’t want to talk about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Does it have somethin’ to do with why you didn’t go after your </span>
  <em>
    <span>girlfriend</span>
  </em>
  <span> when she ran out earlier?” Albert arched an eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch groaned and leaned forward. “I know. I know, I should’ve gone after her. I should’ve tried to figure out why she was so upset. But… I just couldn’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Did you guys have a fight or somethin’?” Race asked.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“No,” Finch said quickly. “We went out yesterday and it was… fine. It was weird. But fine. No fightin’ or arguin’ or anythin’ like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Weird how?” Albert asked.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch worried his lower lip. “Just… Well, I’ve been doin’ some thinkin’ the past few days is all. And it’s just made things… weird with her.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Is youse breakin’ up?” Race asked. Albert reached around Finch to smack him on the shoulder.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“No. Maybe. I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“What happened?” Albert pressed.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Nothin’ </span>
  <em>
    <span>happened</span>
  </em>
  <span>, per se…” Finch sighed. “It’s just… somethin’ Tommy said while we was at work Friday’ night got me thinkin’ is all.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Albert groaned. “What did Tommy say?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch hopped off the truck. “I don’t want to talk about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Oh, come on; you can’t say somethin’ like that and just… </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> tell us!” Race protested.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Yes, you absolutely can,” Albert said. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch turned to face them, arms crossed and brow furrowed. “Have you two noticed Mush actin’ weird lately? I guess that’s mostly a question for Race, but… Ever since the day of the fight. It’s like he’s been weird since then.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Weird how?” Race asked.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Quiet,” said Albert. “Like when we was kids.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch nodded. “And he’s been tryin’ to avoid us a lot, it seems like. He doesn’t want to just hang out anymore. He comes to rehearsal, but that’s it. Nothin’ else.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Do you think it’s about the Delanceys?” Albert asked. “That he’s freaked out from everything that happened with them?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“That’s what I thought at first,” said Finch. “But then, on Friday… Did you see him and JoJo run out of the cafeteria?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I did,” said Race.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Well, in class after, his eyes were all red, like he was cryin’, and then at the end of the day he and Elaine skipped German class. I went to wait for them after my last class and they never came out, and Tommy said that he and Boots and Henry saw them in the nurse’s office. I tried to ask her about it, but she said that he told her he had a headache and she decided to just skip and keep him company. But she got all quiet after, so I was thinkin’, maybe he said somethin’ to her and told her not to tell me. Or somethin’ like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Race squinted at him. “What does that have to do with Tommy.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch got still. “I asked him about it at work that night,” he said after a moment. “And he said… well, he said that maybe it had somethin’ to do with Laine. Like… like maybe Mush was angry about the two of us, because I didn’t talk to him about her, because Tommy said… well, he said he’d always thought that me and Mush was together.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Albert and Race both blinked slowly. Wordlessly, Race pulled out his pack of cigarettes, took one out and stuck it between his lips, and passed a second to Finch. A few moments later, they were both lit and puffs of smoke were floating up towards the sky.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Did you guys…” Finch let the question trail off.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Albert sighed. He accepted Race’s cigarette and inhaled deeply from it before passing it back. “I mean… I don’t think we ever thought the two of you were actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>together</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Not officially, anyways,” said Race.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“What’s that supposed to mean?” asked Finch.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“It’s definitely always seemed like you two were interested in each other,” said Albert. “Or… I’m not sure how to put it. You’ve obviously been close for forever; you’ve known each other longer than any of us, even if only by a little. You always protected him, you know, especially for those few years when it was like he was the only person not growin’ in our whole class and the Delanceys—and just about everyone else—was pickin’ on him for bein’ so small. And he’s always smiled and laughed more for you than anyone else. By far. Even Race can’t get Mush to smile like you can, and Race can make </span>
  <em>
    <span>anyone</span>
  </em>
  <span> smile. And the older we got, the closer the two of you got. So… I, at least, just kind of figured you, you know, kept goin’. Got closer than the rest of us saw, so to speak. And that if you weren’t, then you would someday. When Elaine came along, she was kind of a surprise, but, uh… I just kind of guessed that either you and Mush had talked about her—because it really seemed like you did, at least at first—or that I’d been wrong about everythin’ between youse two for all these years.” He looked at the expression on Finch’s face. “I’m guessin’ the latter’s the one that’s true.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I don’t… I don’t know if it is,” Finch murmured. “I think you might’ve been right, and I was just too stupid to see it the whole time. And now I’m afraid I’ve hurt him.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>They all turned as the door to the club opened. Mush, Tommy, and Crutchie all came out together. “Hey,” called Crutchie. “Finch is back!”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Hey,” Finch smiled at him.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“JoJo called. He found Elaine. Says she ain’t feelin’ good. He’s goin’ to stay with her and hopefully she’ll be feelin’ better closer to show time, and if she’s not he said he’d take her home.” Crutchie explained all of this while Tommy pulled out his cigarettes, pulled one out, lit it, and began passing it between himself and Mush.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch nodded and took a draw on his cigarette. “Did he say what was wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Medda talked to him,” Mush shrugged. “Just said she wasn’t feelin’ well.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I should’ve gone after her.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“You’ve got rehearsin’ to do,” said Crutchie, patting him on the shoulder. “She understands that.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“We should get back,” said Mush. “Got a lot of work to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“You decided who’s playin’ yet?” Race asked.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Normal lineup,” Mush shrugged. “Except…”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“You want me to sit it out?” Albert sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Sorry,” Mush scuffed his toe against the pavement. “It’s just… you been gone so long, and you still ain’t doin’ so great with even just the standin’... Don’t want you passin’ out in the middle of the show or anythin’. I think it’s best Finch does Jack’s part and I take yours.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Guess that’s fair,” Albert sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Let’s get back to it, then,” said Tommy, tossing away his cigarette butt and turning back towards the club. The others followed him, but both Finch and Mush hesitated for a second. Their eyes met for a moment, but then Albert and Race passed by, and when the space between them was clear again, Mush had already turned towards the club. Finch sighed, tossed away his cigarette, and followed.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>JoJo leaned back against the diner booth. He’d gotten Elaine to the first eatery he could find and gotten them both hot drinks to warm them up. His mug of coffee was just hot enough to be a little uncomfortable between his hands, but he kept it there, letting the warmth seep into his hands. Across the table, Elaine stared down into her mug, tears dripping from her cheeks and into her tea. JoJo was speechless. Elaine had poured her soul out to him, and he felt bad that he had no response at the ready for her.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“How… How long have you known?” JoJo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>She shrugged. “Properly? Since Friday. But… I might’ve known before then, and just not realized.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>JoJo nodded. He thought about his conversation with Mush from the same day and quickly pushed it out of his mind. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Focus</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He hadn’t told Mush everything he’d seen during that conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“We knew each other in middle school, you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I thought you and Finch didn’t meet until this summer?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“No, not Finch. Me and Mush. We were in Medda’s choir together. Cora and my brother Alan were in it too, but Mush and I stood next to each other both years he did it.” She smiled to herself. “I kind of had a crush on him back then, you know. I just thought he was so nice… He was always so quiet, but when he smiled, it was like you couldn’t look away. I always tried to come up with jokes and stuff to make him smile, because I wanted to see it. Alan used to tease me about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>JoJo smiled too. “I get what you mean. I didn’t realize you were in the choir too. I remember going to concerts because Cora and Mush were in it. I didn’t even recognize you from that.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I didn’t recognize Mush either, this summer,” Elaine admitted sheepishly. “It was weird. I didn’t realize who he was until he actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>told</span>
  </em>
  <span> me that we’d been in choir together, but even before that… He just seemed so familiar the whole time. It was so easy to be comfortable around him. Even with everything that was happening between me and Finch, I could just come back and sit with Mush and feel… I don’t know. Happy isn’t quite right. Content, maybe? It was soothing. With Finch, it was like I always had butterflies in my stomach—and it’s not like I’m not or haven’t been happy with him, or anything like that, because I have been. He makes me happier than anyone else ever has, and I love him, I really do, but… but then I look at Mush, or talk to him and it’s just a whole other feeling that’s just as strong and just as good and everything. I didn’t realize until the other day what it was, because it’s so different than what I feel about Finch, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>JoJo nodded, taking a sip of his lukewarm coffee. “No offense, but it doesn’t surprise me.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine groaned and let her head drop to the table. It made a loud </span>
  <em>
    <span>thud</span>
  </em>
  <span> that drew curious glances from a few of the people around them. “I know,” she moaned. “Davey told me. I guess </span>
  <em>
    <span>everyone</span>
  </em>
  <span> figured it out before I did.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I wouldn’t say that,” JoJo reached out to awkwardly pat her on the back of the head and moved her mug away before it could get knocked over. “Just because a </span>
  <em>
    <span>few</span>
  </em>
  <span> people noticed you acted differently around him doesn’t mean </span>
  <em>
    <span>everyone</span>
  </em>
  <span> did.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine groaned again and wrapped her arms around her head. “I don’t know what to do, JoJo,” she said, her voice almost so quiet that he couldn’t hear her. “I don’t want to lose either of them. I don’t want to </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurt</span>
  </em>
  <span> either of them. But… now that I’ve figured this out, I don’t know if I can just keep going the way I have been. And… and I’m afraid that if anything happens with either of them and goes badly… I’ll lose the rest of you, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>JoJo chewed on his lip and leaned back in his seat. “I get what you mean. Even if no-one was actually angry at you—and, honestly, given some of the personalities around here, there’s definitely a chance that you’d wind up gettin’ blamed, whether or not you actually did anything—it would still be hard to be around.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“And Cora and Crutchie are my best friends—besides Finch and Mush—and if I can’t be around them… I’ll have no-one left,” Elaine sniffled. She sat up and got a napkin from the dispenser at the end of the table and blew her nose on it. “I’d lose </span>
  <em>
    <span>everyone</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I’m not like my brother. I’ve never had friends before you guys. Cora’s the best friend I’ve ever had, and the longest. Crutchie too. And I’ve known Jack, and Race, and Albert for so long too… And the rest of you are all so wonderful, too. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>JoJo smiled and reached out to pat her hand. “I get what you mean. These guys are my life, and the thought of losin’ them? I can’t stand it. But… you said it yourself; you can’t keep goin’ on like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“What should I do?” she asked, liquid brown eyes meeting his from across the table, looking like they were about to overflow again.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I can’t answer that for you, Elaine,” JoJo sighed. “That’s somethin’ you have to figure out for yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I don’t know how, though.” Her lower lip trembled, and another tear escaped to slip down her cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I know,” he said. “There’s no guidebook for stuff like this. You kind of just have to… wing it. I want to say to take your time and figure it out at your own pace, but… I feel like that’s just going to hurt everyone more. But, also, you don’t want to rush into it and do somethin’ you’ll regret.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>She took a sip of her tea. “I know you’re right. I just… I just don’t want to hurt anyone.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>JoJo opened his mouth to say something else, but snapped it shut when two familiar faces entered the diner. “Heads up,” he managed to say, and then Crutchie and Tommy were sliding into the booth next to them, Crutchie next to Elaine and Tommy next to JoJo.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Hey! What’s wrong?” Crutchie asked, slipping his arm around Elaine’s shoulders to give her a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“It’s fine,” she mumbled, resting her head against his shoulder for a moment. “You guys on lunch?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Yeah, Mush finally let us go,” Crutchie grinned. “He’s real on edge today.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Somethin’ tells me it’s not just about the show, either,” said Tommy. He glared down at his menu. All three of the others stared expectantly at him.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finally, Crutchie kicked Tommy in the ankle under the table. “Okay, don’t just leave us hangin’. What do you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Before Tommy could reply, the waitress came to take their orders. Once she was gone, Tommy sighed, leaning back against the booth. “Look. I didn’t mean to.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Tommy,” JoJo groaned.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“What did you do?” Crutchie demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I didn’t do anythin’!” Tommy protested. “Least… not to Mush.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Wait, what?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Tommy squirmed uncomfortably under the three angry glares currently bearing down on him. “Um… I might not want to say this in front of Elaine.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>JoJo smacked him on the arm. “Talk.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I mean, I don’t know if this has anythin’ to do with it”—</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Tommy!” JoJo and Crutchie scolded in unison.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Finch and I got to talkin’ at work the other night is all,” said Tommy. “We, uh… Well… He said he was worried about Mush. And, uh… I guess… I guess I’ve kind of been… </span>
  <em>
    <span>misreading</span>
  </em>
  <span>… their relationship the past couple years.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>The others continued to stare expectantly at him. Crutchie was the first one to realize what he meant. “Oh. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Wait… you told Finch that you thought he and Mush were dating?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Maybe not datin’, but definitely, you know… That they had feelin’s for each other?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>JoJo lowered his head into his hands. “Oh my word. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tommy</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Come on; I </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> be the only one who thought that!” Tommy protested. “You guys’ve known them for </span>
  <em>
    <span>years</span>
  </em>
  <span> longer than I have. You never thought it too?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Well…” Crutchie mused. “Now that you say it…”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine had gone dead white.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Elaine,” JoJo reached out for her, but she shrunk away from him.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Crutchie, can you let me out, please?” she whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Crutchie hesitated for a moment, but eventually slid out of the booth to let her crawl out.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Will you all please tell everyone that I went home sick?” she said, her voice flat and quiet. “And tell them I’m sorry?” She was gone before any of the boys could protest.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Crutchie and JoJo turned their glares on Tommy. “Look, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>said</span>
  </em>
  <span> that I shouldn’t say it in front of her!” he protested.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Come on,” JoJo pulled some cash out of his wallet and left it on the table. “I don’t think she should be walkin’ home alone right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>.*.*.*.*.*.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mush, you want to grab lunch together?” Henry asked, poking the other boy in the shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Huh?” Mush looked up, first at Henry, then at the clock on the wall. “No, um… I’m not really hungry.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Too bad,” said Boots as he hauled Mush to his feet from behind his chair. “You’re comin’ with us. We need to clear out so Medda’s people can set up anyways.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush sighed, but gathered up the sheet music he had scattered across the table, tucked it into a folder that he slipped into his guitar case at the back of the room, and followed the other boys out the door. He walked behind the other two boys, listening to Boots chattering cheerfully to Henry. They didn’t make much of an attempt to include him in the conversation, but Henry kept glancing over his shoulder to make sure Mush was still trailing along behind them. Eventually, they got to Henry’s family’s deli, where his mother happily made them sandwiches, definitely undercharged Mush, and they claimed a corner table with three chairs to scarf down their food.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“So, what’s up with you?” Henry asked, staring pointedly at Mush. Boots froze, his sandwich halfway to his mouth, and glanced between the other two boys.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“What do you mean?” Mush asked, pushing his half-eaten sandwich away.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Henry arched an eyebrow. “Boots?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Yeah, you’s been actin’ funny for a couple weeks now,” said the other boy. “Real quiet and all.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“And you’ve been on edge all day today,” said Henry. “You were snappin’ at everyone durin’ rehearsal.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush tucked trembling hands into his jacket pockets. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Was it really that obvious?</span>
  </em>
  <span> “Just tired,” he lied. “I ain’t been sleepin’ so good.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Henry arched a disbelieving eyebrow. “Yeah, right.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Boots finished eating first and grabbed a stack of fliers he’d brought with him, running off to hand them out before the show. Henry and Mush walked back to the club together.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“You don’t have to lie, you know,” said Henry. “You’re no good at it anyways.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Lie about what?” Mush asked.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“See? No good,” Henry teased, nudging Mush with his elbow. “What’s got you all rattled?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I ain’t rattled,” Mush mumbled. Even </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> didn’t think it sounded convincing. “I just… I been thinkin’ ‘bout some stuff. Nothin’ important. Just got me on edge, I guess. Maybe more than I noticed. Was it… was it really that obvious?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Yeah, kind of,” said Henry. They were quiet for a moment. “Anythin’ you want to talk about?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Another moment passed.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Look, you don’t have to talk to me,” said Henry. “But you seem pretty upset, as far as I can see. Talk to </span>
  <em>
    <span>someone</span>
  </em>
  <span> maybe? What about Finch—he’s usually who you go to, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I’m not talkin’ to Finch.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Henry glanced over at him. “Are you mad at him? Is that what it’s about?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“No. Not… No.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Henry’s brow furrowed. “So you’re not </span>
  <em>
    <span>mad</span>
  </em>
  <span> at him, but it’s still about him, isn’t it?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Henry…”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>There was another pause.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Is it about Elaine?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Henry!” Mush groaned.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Sorry,” the other boy threw up his hands. “It’s just… You like her, don’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush froze. “What did you say?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“You like her. And him.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Henry</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Henry stopped a few steps in front of Mush. He turned and saw that all color had drained from his friend’s face, and he was visibly shaking. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Henry swore to himself. He hurried back and grabbed Mush by the arm, steering him to a conveniently close bench. “Sorry. Lean forward, head between your knees.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush pushed his hands away but did as he was told. His breathing was short and shallow, hands trembling as he interlaced his fingers on the back of his head. Henry sat down next to him and rubbed his back, feeling guilty. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to… Sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“It’s fine,” Mush whispered. “How did you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Finch? I kind of had a feelin’ for a while, but I wasn’t sure. Elaine? The second she and Cor walked through Medda’s door this summer. I was kind of surprised when she and Finch started goin’ out, actually, since it was so obvious you liked her.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Apparently it’s just been obvious to everyone,” Mush grumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Everyone? I doubt that. Who else said somethin’ to you?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“JoJo,” Mush sighed. “Well, mostly about Finch, but her too.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Is that what’s goin’ on? Finch find out you like her too?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“No. Well, not that I know of, at least.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Well, that would’ve explained why </span>
  <em>
    <span>he’s</span>
  </em>
  <span> been so on-edge today, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Has he?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“You really didn’t notice?” said Henry. “He hardly looked at her all day. Normally, they can’t take their eyes off each other. Elaine wasn’t lookin’ at him much, either, come to think of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Maybe they had a fight. Nothin’ to do with me that I know of.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“You and Elaine bein’ in the nurse’s office together Friday afternoon might have somethin’ to do with it.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush looked up. “How did you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Tommy, Boots, and I saw youse come out.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“It wasn’t anythin’. I had a headache, she wanted out of German class. So we went together.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> didn’t think it was anythin’. But… you know Tommy and Finch work together, and maybe he said somethin’ to Finch, and Finch took it wrong or somethin’.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush groaned again, letting his head drop. He somehow looked even paler. “I don’t want him to think I been… you know, </span>
  <em>
    <span>doin’</span>
  </em>
  <span> anythin’ with her. Or anythin’ like that. Especially if it’s so obvious I like her.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Why would Finch think that? He trusts you. Youse’ve been best friends since you was six. He knows you wouldn’t do anythin’ to hurt him like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush sighed and sat up, pulling one of his legs up to rest his foot on the bench, arms wrapped loosely around it. He stared off into the distance. “Does lovin’ him count as hurtin’ him?” he wondered softly.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Depends what you do about it.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The show that night was half a disaster, but the audience didn’t seem to notice. Tommy, JoJo, and Crutchie had pulled up as they all reconvened after lunch and informed everyone else that Elaine had gone home sick and sent her apologies. There was a bit of a scramble after that, until it was decided that Albert would take her part—since they sang the same part at least most of the time—and just sit on a stool next to Crutchie and Tommy rather than standing. He lost his place in a few of the songs, but they made it through the show to a round of deafening applause. Once the show was over and the equipment was packed up, they all headed off in different directions.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch jumped as he turned around from securing the tarp over the bed of his truck to find JoJo and Tommy standing behind him, the latter looking extremely guilty. “What’s goin’ on?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“You should talk to Elaine,” said JoJo, shooting a glare at Tommy.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch caught the look and turned his own glare on the trumpet player. “What did you do?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I, uh… I </span>
  <em>
    <span>may</span>
  </em>
  <span> have let slip a little of what we talked about on Friday,” Tommy admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I’m going to </span>
  <em>
    <span>kill</span>
  </em>
  <span> you,” Finch growled. Tommy took a quick step back, hiding behind JoJo.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Okay, that seems a little unnecessary,” JoJo said quickly, putting a hand out to stop Finch when he took a step towards them. “It’s just that Elaine was havin’ a rough time already, and what Tommy said kind of made it worse.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Is that why she missed the show?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Maybe part of it,” JoJo admitted. “I mean, she was definitely sick, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“She nearly threw up in my car,” Tommy piped up.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“But everythin’ else was definitely not helpin’,” said JoJo.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“What else was there?” asked Finch.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>JoJo shook his head. “Talk to her about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I guess I should.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>JoJo nodded firmly. “You definitely should.” He started to head away, but Tommy lingered behind.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Maybe you should talk to Mush, too,” he whispered. “He was actin’ funny today, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch glared at him, and Tommy put up his hands and walked away, heading for his car, where Crutchie, Race, Albert, and Cora were waiting for him.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Once the truck was secure, Finch climbed into the cab. He stared at the steering wheel for a moment, trying to make up his mind, before he started the car. It didn’t take him long to find Mush, trudging his way home on his usual route. Finch rolled down the window and pulled up next to him. “Climb in!” he called.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“It’s fine!” Mush called back. “I can walk.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Get in the truck, Mush.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I’m fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Nickolas Elijah Meyers, get in the truck.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush scowled, but did as he was told. “I hate that you know my middle name.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“It’s not that bad of a name. You know what Elaine’s is? Andromache. I can’t even spell it.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush couldn’t help but smile. They drove in silence for a few blocks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Mush…”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Did I… Did I do somethin’ to upset you?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“What? No, why?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Well… It’s just that you’ve been kind of… weird. For a few weeks now. Since the Delanceys, I guess. At first I thought it was about that, but then… I don’t know. You got </span>
  <em>
    <span>real</span>
  </em>
  <span> weird on Friday then, and then today…”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Weird how?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Well, you ain’t talked to me all day ‘cept to tell me what I was doin’ wrong,” Finch grumbled. “Which is weird. And the way you ran off at the end of the day on Friday was weird, too. So I was just wonderin’ if you was mad at me.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you think that.” Mush turned away to stare out the window. “I’m not mad at you. I just need to work through some stuff. It’s fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Anythin’ you want to talk about?” Finch asked.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“No, it’s okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch sighed. “We used to talk about stuff, you know. If there was somethin’ botherin’ us, we’d talk about it. It was good.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush smiled to himself. “Yeah. A good arrangement.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“What happened to that?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“It’s just… not somethin’ I want to talk about with anyone. It’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> you. At least, I don’t want to talk about it yet. Maybe someday I will, but right now it’s just somethin’ I have to deal with.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch sighed again, but gave up. “Well, will you at least tell me how you been? I feel like I ain’t seen you in weeks.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush turned back to face his friend and smiled. “Not so bad. My dad’s stopped drinkin’.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Really? That’s great! How long?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Uh, ever since the fight, actually. Apparently, I kind of freaked him out bein’ gone for two days, and when I came home he swore he’d stop drinkin’ ‘cause he felt like he was missin’ out on my life and everything. He hasn’t had a drink since, as far as I can tell.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Wow. That’s really great. I’m happy for you. Both of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Thanks,” Mush smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>After a few moments had passed, Finch broke the silence again: “Hey, uh… Mush?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I… uh… I got somethin’ I want to say, okay? So, uh… if you could just listen? That would be… that would be good.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Okay,” Mush said, thoroughly confused.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Just, um… You mean a lot to me, okay? You’s my best friend, and that’s a really big deal to me. I don’t want to lose you. These past few weeks… Well, they’ve sucked. Not havin’ you around as much and all that. And—don’t get me wrong, I’m real happy you and your dad have been doin’ better, but… I was afraid I was losin’ you. And I don’t want that. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> lose you. You mean too much to me. Okay? So… if you don’t mind… just </span>
  <em>
    <span>talk</span>
  </em>
  <span> to me, okay? I don’t care what it’s about, or anythin’ like that. Just tell me if somethin’s wrong, or you’re upset about somethin’. Even just tell me if you need some space. Because the thought of losin’ you—like I kept thinkin’ I was the past few weeks—scares me more than pretty much anythin’ else in the world.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush swallowed a lump forming his throat. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you think that. I don’t want to lose you either. You’re one of the most important people in the world to me. Sorry about the past few weeks. I’ll try and be better.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch smiled, glancing over at him for a moment. “I just want you to be okay, okay? I worry about you sometimes. That’s a lie; I worry about you pretty much all the time. And I don’t want you to have to go through things by yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush fought the urge to reach out for his friend as they pulled up in front of his building. “Thank you, Finch. It means a lot to me that you said that. You mean a lot to me too, and I don’t want to hurt you or scare you. I’ll do my best, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Yeah,” Finch nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Do you want a ride?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“No, I’ll walk.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“See you in homeroom, then.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Bye.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush hopped out of the truck and shut the door. He fought the urge to watch Finch drive away, focusing instead on the door to his building. By the time he reached his floor, his head was swimming. It took a few tries to get the door unlocked and open, as he was having trouble seeing straight.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Hey, Nicky!” his father called from the kitchen, turning around to grin at him. “Have a seat; you’re just in time!”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“What’s that smell?” Mush asked, forcing a smile as he tossed his bag aside and hung up his jacket.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“That bad, is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“No, I just can’t tell what it is.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I found your Maemm’s recipe book the other day! I thought I’d give some of her old dishes a try. I was never as good a cook as her, but chicken pot pie sounded pretty good tonight, so I wanted to try it. Anyways, I had a feeling you’d come home hungry!”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Not so much,” Mush lied. “I ate lunch late.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Half of it, anyways</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Well, have a little anyways. It’s not good to go to bed hungry if you can help it.” Levi spooned some of the soupy goo into a bowl and set it on the table in front of his son. “Besides, it’ll make me feel better about this. I need a new hobby to distract me from wanting to drink. Cooking seems like a good option.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush laughed. He picked up his fork and poked at the slimy mess in his bowl. “Is this… proper hinkelbottboi? I haven’t had this since the last time Groosmudder and Groosvadder came to visit, when I was, like, twelve.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Levi nodded eagerly. “Homemade noodles and all!”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush watched as one of the thick, wide, rectangular noodles slipped off of his fork and back into the bowl, where it landed with a plop. “I see that.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Hey, that was your favorite food when you were little,” Levi grinned, helping himself to a bowl and sitting down across from Mush. “You’d beg Maemm to make it almost every day. She hated making it; said the noodles were too much of a hassle—which I now see is definitely true—but she did at least once a week, sometimes more. She always did her best to make you smile. Me too. She wanted everyone to smile, really.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush grinned and took a bite of the… soup? He wasn’t sure it qualified as soup, but he wasn’t sure what else to call it. “It’s pretty good,” he laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Really?” Levi looked relieved. “Good. I was nervous.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush laughed. “Yeah. It’s not bad. I don’t know what Groosmudder or Maemm would say about it, but I think it’s pretty good.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Levi grinned and reached out to muss his hair. “Well, that’s something. Maybe next time I’ll try scrapple.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush nearly gagged. “Please don’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“You’ve never even had it.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I know what it is, and I don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to try it.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Dippy eggs?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Those I’ve had, and don’t want to ever again.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Levi laughed. They ate quietly, and Mush washed the dishes when they were done.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“How was your show tonight? I didn’t ask.” Levi took the dishes and dried them, putting them away in the cabinets.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“It was… fine. Albert wasn’t doin’ well, and Jack’s still missin’, so Finch and I played the guitar parts and sang. But then Elaine got sick and had to go home, so Al wound up performing after all. He just sat on a stool and sang, though. Figured that wouldn’t be too much for him.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Levi nodded. “And who is Elaine again? I don’t know that one.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“No, she’s Finch’s girlfriend. She’s new. Well, I knew her in middle school, and she’s been friends with Race’s sister for years, but she only started hangin’ out with us and met all the others this summer. She’s real sweet.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Levi nodded. “And how is Finch? He hasn’t been by in a while. Too busy with his girl?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush shrugged. “Maybe. We’s all busy. There’s a lot goin’ on right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“If you ever need to talk about it, I don’t mind hearing.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I know, Daedd. Thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Go get some sleep. You’ve got school in the morning.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Okay. Gud nacht.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Gud nacht.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>.*.*.*.*.*.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elaine missed school the next three days. On Wednesday, Finch asked Alan at lunch where she was.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“She’s been sick since Sunday,” said Alan. “She spent all that night throwing up, and wasn’t too much better by yesterday. I didn’t see her this morning, so I don’t know if she’s feeling better yet. You can come by and see her if you want; it would probably cheer her up.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch nodded. On their way between classes later, he passed the information on to Mush. “I was thinkin’ about goin’ after school, since we don’t have rehearsal. You want to come along?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush thought about it for a minute. “That’s okay,” he said finally. “If she’s sick, she probably don’t want too many people crowdin’ her. It’s probably best if you just go to cheer her up.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“If you say so,” Finch shrugged. “You want a ride home first?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“No, it’s okay,” Mush smiled. “But thanks. Tell her… I hope she feels better soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>.*.*.*.*.*.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elaine groaned and rolled over when her door opened. “Go away.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Aw, come on,” said Finch. “I brought you tea.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine sat up and scrunched herself into a ball against her headboard, hugging her knees close. “You shouldn’t be here.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Alan said it was okay if I came by.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I don’t want to get you sick.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“It’ll be fine.” Finch sat on the edge of the bed and offered her the mug he was carrying. “Madison made this for you. It’s peppermint, for your stomach.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine accepted the mug and took a tiny sip from it. “Thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“You feelin’ any better? You didn’t look too good on Sunday.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Not really,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch nodded and looked around the room. It was dark, the curtains drawn over the window and all the lights out, and messier than he’d ever seen it before. He noticed the pink overalls she’d been wearing on Sunday tossed carelessly on the floor near her closet. “Anythin’ I can do for you?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“No, it’s okay,” she smiled thinly. “I’m fine. I just don’t want you getting sick.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I don’t get sick,” he winked. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>She smiled and set the mug of tea aside, then laid back down, still curled up into a ball. Finch helped her pull the blankets up and around her shoulders. “Is that okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Yeah, thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Do you want me to go?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>She paused before responding. “No, you can stay if you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>He smiled down at her. “Then I’ll hang out for a little while.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>After a moment, she patted the bed next to her. “Will you come here?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Sure,” he smiled. He paused to kick off his shoes, then crawled over to curl up against her back, wrapping his arms firmly around her. “Is that okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Yeah.” She pressed herself back against him, soaking in his warmth. She closed her eyes and breathed in. Finch smelled like the earth just before it began to rain, with hints of cigarette smoke and roses. She was never sure where the roses came from. She smiled to herself. It was a comforting scent; familiar and full of love. “Thank you for coming,” she whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>He kissed her behind the ear—and came away with a mouthful of hair—“Of course. I’ll always come for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine felt a pang of guilt in her chest. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Would you say that if you knew I was in love with your best friend?</span>
  </em>
  <span> she thought bitterly. She interlaced her fingers with his and squeezed his hand. “I love you,” she whispered. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I love you, but not </span>
  </em>
  <span>only</span>
  <em>
    <span> you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I love you too,” Finch murmured, using his free hand to stroke her hair, mostly to keep it out of his face. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I love you, just not </span>
  </em>
  <span>only</span>
  <em>
    <span> you,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he thought bitterly. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m so sorry. I can’t give you everything, even though I want to.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Unbidden, the memory of the last time he’d been in Elaine’s bed rose up in his mind. He remembered how it had felt to have Mush at his back and her in his arms and smiled into Elaine’s hair at the thought. That had been a good night. He had felt happier just having the two of them close than he possibly ever had. Happy, and loved, and safe. Holding Elaine like this… well, it came close, but it wasn’t the same. Even as he enjoyed the weight of her against his body, he found himself missing Mush and wishing the other boy had agreed to come with him. Just having him in the room would have completed the feeling.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine looked at where her fingers were laced through Finch’s. She rubbed her thumb over his knuckles and smiled to herself. An image flashed through her mind, interrupting her thoughts: her and Mush’s hands, intertwined and resting on her mattress. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Stop that!</span>
  </em>
  <span> she scolded herself. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You can’t do that. Not while you’re with Finch</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She wished that Finch had brought Mush with him. It would’ve hurt almost as much to see him as it had to see Finch, she was sure, but him being there just seemed… right. Like he belonged with them.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch sighed and buried his face against the back of Elaine’s neck. She smelled nice. Roses, vanilla, and peppermint. He smiled, the expression slipping when she pulled away. “You okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Yeah,” she whispered. Her voice sounded tight. “Finch… I have something I need to tell you.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“What’s wrong?” he asked. She moved around to sit up and face him, and he also sat up.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“It’s just… Well, I love you,” she murmured, looking down so that he couldn’t see her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>An involuntary grin crept over his face. “Hey, that ain’t so bad. You had me worried there for a second.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Let me finish,” she said, finally looking up at him. Her eyes were sad, full of anguish and threatening to overflow with tears. He nodded and sat back, reaching out to take her hand. She flinched away and settled her hands in her lap, fiddling with the hem of her nightshirt. “I love you. I really do. More than… just about anyone else in the world.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>He nodded. “I love you too,” he whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“But…”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>His heart dropped.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“There’s someone else I love, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>A thousand emotions cycled through him in the span of a heartbeat. Anger. Sadness. Relief. Confusion. “Who?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I’m not going to do anything about it, I promise,” she said firmly. “I just… It felt wrong not to tell you. So I wanted you to know. That I love you more than anything else, but I just… I can’t stop thinking about this other person. I’ve been trying, for weeks, now, but it just got worse the harder I tried.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Who is it?” he asked, his voice low. He couldn’t figure out which emotion had won out, but he was pretty sure it was something adjacent to anger.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>She shook her head, tears beginning to run down her cheeks. “I don’t want you to hate me. Or him.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>As soon as she said that, he knew. “It’s Mush,” he whispered, “isn’t it?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>She let out a sob, burying her face in her hands. “Y-yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Another round of dizzying emotion swept through him, this time far more positive. He finally landed on something akin to relief, and reached out to rub her back as she sobbed, then pulled her into a tight hug. “Shh,” he murmured, brushing her hair out of her face. “It’s okay. It’s okay. I’m not angry.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Why?” she sniffled, looking up at him. “How do you not hate me?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I couldn’t hate you for that,” he smiled, wiping tears from her cheek with his thumb. He leaned down and kissed the tip of her nose, then rested his forehead against hers, both of their eyes drifting shut.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine consented to sit like that for a moment, then pulled away, squirming out of Finch’s grip. “I don’t understand. You should be mad at me. You should… I don’t know, yell at me or something?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I just told you I was in </span>
  <em>
    <span>love</span>
  </em>
  <span> with your </span>
  <em>
    <span>best friend</span>
  </em>
  <span>! How are you just okay with that.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch bit his lip and reached out to take her hands. “Because I am too.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine froze. “Wait, what?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I only realized a few days ago. Tommy said some stuff that made me think about it, and… I don’t know. I figured it out. It explained a lot of things over the years, honestly.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine had a look on her face that was something like a deer caught in headlights. She tried to pull away, but he held her hands tighter and gave her a little tug, pulling her closer.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Just, hang on a sec,” he said. “Let me explain. It’s not that I don’t love you—I absolutely do, so much. Almost more than I thought was possible. But I love him too, and just as much. Maybe a little differently, but just as much. It just took me a little longer to realize.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine sat back on her heels, staring numbly at him.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“What are the odds?” he laughed after a moment. “Both of us fallin’ in love with the same person, who just so happens to be my best friend—and one of your closest friends too, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>She smiled and nodded, finally beginning to relax again. “It’s weird,” she admitted. “What are we going to do about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch sighed and laid back, pulling her down with him, so that she was sprawled on top of him. “I don’t know,” he said. “I really want to tell him—I almost did on Sunday, actually, after the show, but it just… didn’t feel right. Maybe this is why.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Maybe I knew, deep down somewhere, that it would be better to tell you first? I’m not sure. But now we can brainstorm together. Neither of us has to be alone in this, whatever we do.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine rested her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. “Yeah. That’s good. I kind of want to tell him, too, but… I don’t know, do you think that’s really a good idea?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Well… What good will telling him do? What if it just ends up hurting him? Like, ‘oh, hey, we’re both in love with you, but also with each other, and we’re already dating and not planning on changing that so there’s really no point to us confessing to you’. It just seems… I don’t know, cruel?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch was silent for a moment. “Why do we have to choose? Who says that we have to say ‘I’m only goin’ to spend my life with this one person, and if I fall in love with anyone else, then that’s just too bad’? Tommy said that to me the other day. That I had to choose between the two of you. I’ve been thinkin’ about it ever since, and I just don’t see why. If everyone was okay with it, why couldn’t all three of us be together?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine sat up and looked down at him. “I mean… I guess I see what you mean. But it also seems pretty far-fetched that Mush would just happen to feel the same way about one, much less both, of us, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>also</span>
  </em>
  <span> agree to be involved in something like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“What do you think about it?” Finch pressed. “I mean… I guess you don’t have to answer right off, but… Maybe think about it? And if you come to a decision, maybe then we decide what to tell Mush, if anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine chewed on her lip for a moment, then smiled. “I guess I can do that.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch grinned and sat up, slipping his arms around her waist and pressing a kiss to her lips. “And if you decide it’s somethin’ you wouldn’t be okay with, that’s okay. I won’t be mad or anythin’. I appreciate you bein’ willin’ to consider it.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Well… I guess you’re right. If there’s a chance to not have to choose between the two of you, I’ll take it, because I really </span>
  <em>
    <span>don’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> want to have to do that. Maybe that’s selfish, but… I don’t know. I’ll think about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch grinned and kissed her again. “Thank you,” he whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Don’t thank me yet,” Elaine laughed. “I still might say no.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>“Celia, you're breaking my heart,</b>
</p><p>
  <b>You're shaking my confidence daily!</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Oh, Cecilia, I'm down on my knees,</b>
</p><p>
  <b>I'm begging you please to come home!”</b>
</p><p>
  <span>It was over a week later before the subject resurfaced. Things had gone back to normal, or close to it, for Finch and Elaine. The other boys shrugged off the period of tension, moving past it immediately. Even Mush seemed to relax again, and began to smile, at least a little, around the others. Everyone allowed themselves to breathe again. Even without Jack, they were starting to feel like, just maybe, everything would be okay again. The Delancey brothers had, at least mostly, left them alone for weeks now, Albert was just about back to his usual self, and, while Spot and Blink had been convicted of assault and sent to juvenile hall, they’d sent word of their release date in early spring. In three months, they’d all be together again.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Rehearsals were once again enjoyable. With Mush beginning to settle back into his old self, everyone else began to once again feel at ease. Music came more easily, and the rehearsals brimmed over with life and energy. Mush brought in some new arrangements, and they all jumped at the chance to learn new songs, Medda’s club filling with fast-paced music, laughter, and joy.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>“Celia, you're breaking my heart,</b>
</p><p>
  <b>You're shaking my confidence daily!</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Oh, Cecilia, I'm down on my knees,</b>
</p><p>
  <b>I'm begging you please to come home;</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Come on home!”</b>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Albert and Finch were singing in harmony, Albert picking out a fairly simple riff while Finch strummed his own guitar, the rest of the band filling in the music around them. They hadn’t added in all of the vocals yet, so Cora and Elaine were over by the bar, chatting quietly as Davey and Mush worked on the piano part for the song. After a little while, Finch set aside his guitar and joined the girls at the bar to get a drink of water.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>When Mush stook up from the piano, he caught a glimpse of Finch and Elaine out of the corner of his eye. They were dancing together, Elaine giggling as she stared up into Finch’s face, to the music coming from the piano, bass, and trumpet. He felt something in his heart snap. He set the sheet music he’d been carrying down on the table, hands shaking. “Let’s run what we have so far,” he called.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch and the girls filed back into their places, smiling and chattering. Crutchie settled back onto his stool next to Tommy, Elaine moving her microphone to where both of them could sing into it.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“It’s too low!” Crutchie laughed, reaching down to adjust the height of the mic. “You’re too short!”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Come down here and say that to my face,” Elaine retorted. She helped him adjust the stand so it was a little closer to his mouth and would pick up his voice better.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>“Making love in the afternoon with Cecilia,</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Up in my bedroom.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>I got up to wash my face,</b>
</p><p>
  <b>When I come back to bed,</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Someone's taken my place!”</b>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush slipped into his seat, trying to focus on the music instead of the head in his neck and face, and the hole in his stomach. JoJo slipped into the chair beside him, pulling his feet up and crossing his ankles on the seat. “How do you even sit like that?” Mush asked.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“It’s comfortable,” JoJo shrugged, grinning. “The music sounds good.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“It’s been a while since you wrote anythin’.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Yeah. I wasn’t really feelin’ the music for a bit there.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“But you are now?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“... Maybe.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>JoJo nodded and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table and head in his hands. “Well, it sounds good.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush smiled. “Thanks. Again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>“Celia, you're breaking my heart,</b>
</p><p>
  <b>You're shaking my confidence daily!</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Oh, Cecilia, I'm down on my knees,</b>
</p><p>
  <b>I'm begging you please to come home.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Come on home!”</b>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Much stared down at the sheet music like he was following along, but, in reality, his stomach was twisting into knots. He was starting to feel sick, and wishing that he was anywhere else at the moment.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>JoJo reached over and nudged him in the shoulder. “You okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I’m not feeling too well,” said Mush.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Maybe you got what Elaine had last weekend,” said JoJo.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush nodded. “Maybe. Can you finish rehearsal for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Yeah, no problem. I mean, I don’t know what I’m doing, but I’ll do my best.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Just keep them on task. Thanks. I’ll see you at school tomorrow. Can you bring my music?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Sure. Do you want to have Finch drive you home? If you feel that bad, maybe you shouldn’t be walking.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I’ll be fine. Thanks, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>“Jubilation,</b>
</p><p>
  <b>She loves me again,</b>
</p><p>
  <b>I fall on the floor and I’m laughing!”</b>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush slipped away, grabbing his jacket from the coat tree near the door and ducking outside. It was cold and nearly dark, the sun having vanished behind distant buildings already. He buttoned his coat and set off. The rain started only a few blocks into the walk. He turned up his collar and ignored it, even as it seeped under his coat and into his clothes. His feet got wet after the second unavoidable puddle, and he gave up trying to keep his legs dry either as the moisture on the pavement splashed up the backs of his legs. By the time he got home, he was soaked through. Trudging up the stairs to his floor required monumental effort, which he blamed on the extra weight of the water soaked into his wool coat, which dripped with every step.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>When he stepped into the apartment, he was surprised to find a packed bag on the kitchen table. “Daedd?” he called.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>There was a crash, then Levi burst out from the bedroom. “Nicky! You’re home early! Good; I was hoping to see you before I left.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Where are you going?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I had a call from Groosvadder; Groosmudder has had a fall and is in der Haschbidaal. I’m going to go to Lancaster to see her in case… Well.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Yeah. Okay. Travel safe. And take an umbrella—it’s raining outside.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Do you want to come along?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“No, that’s okay. I have school, and shows. Give my love to Groosvadder though, and Groosmudder.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I will.” Levi wrapped an arm around him and pulled him into a quick hug. “Be safe, alright? No more fights. I’ll call when I get to Lancaster, but you should be asleep by then, so you’d better not pick up.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush laughed. “Understood. Call if anything changes with Groosmudder or you’re heading home.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I will. Change out of those wet clothes. Make sure you eat, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I will. Get going; don’t miss your train.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Goodbye, Nicky!” Levi called as he whirled out the door.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Bye,” Mush whispered as the door clicked shut.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>.*.*.*.*.*.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“JoJo! Where’s Mush?” Finch asked. They’d played through the song a few times now, and had been surprised at the lack of critique from their director.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“He went home,” said JoJo. “Wasn’t feelin’ well. Left me in charge.” He grinned wickedly.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Don’t do that; it’s scary,” Elaine laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>JoJo stuck his tongue out at her.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“He </span>
  <em>
    <span>walked </span>
  </em>
  <span>home?” Finch asked, glancing over his shoulder at the club door. They could hear the pouring rain through the heavy door, which meant that it had to be coming down pretty hard outside. “In this?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“It wasn’t rainin’ when he left,” JoJo said. “He said he’d be fine gettin’ home and he’d see us tomorrow at school.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Finch cast another worried glance at the door, then looked over at Elaine. She shrugged, as if to say </span>
  <em>
    <span>what can we do about it now?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Finch sighed and turned back to JoJo. “What should we run next?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>.*.*.*.*.*.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mush sniffed and wiped tears from his eyes. He felt ridiculous. Curled up on the fire escape outside his window, he was miserable as the light early-winter rain fell around him, soaking through to set a chill deep in his bones. He leaned his head back against the brick wall behind him. Normally, the fire escape was his literal escape, when he needed to think, or was trying to work through a particularly difficult spot in an arrangement. If the weather was nice, he liked to bring his guitar out with him, but tonight wasn’t a night for instruments.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>The apartment inside had felt too empty with his father gone. He’d shed his wet coat on the bedroom, followed it with his shoes, and crawled straight onto the fire escape to think, still in his wet clothes—not that that mattered; it was still raining anyways, and changing would have just gotten more clothes wet. Inside, it was too quiet. He didn’t actually want to be around anyone, but just having that other source of life there would have been comforting in his current state. If he’d asked, his father probably would have stayed, at least for the night, but he couldn’t bear to keep Levi from going home to his mother, especially if she took a turn for the worse. Mush knew what it felt like to lose a mother. Now he was starting to feel like he knew what it was like to lose his friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>“Hello darkness, my old friend</b>
</p><p>
  <b>I've come to talk with you again</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Because a vision softly creeping</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Left its seeds while I was sleeping</b>
</p><p>
  <b>And the vision that was planted in my brain</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Still remains</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Within the sound of silence...”</b>
</p><p>
  
  <span>He’d thought he could get through it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>It’s not so bad</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he’d thought. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You’ve seen your friends fall in love before. It won’t hurt more than that</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>But it had, and it still did. Months after Finch had first asked Elaine out, it still shot deep, aching bolts through his heart to see the two of them together. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You encouraged them, idiot. You’re the one who pushed them together. It’s your own fault.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d tried to excuse himself from them, but Finch and Elaine always reached out to pull him back in. When he made excuses as to why he wouldn’t walk to class with them any more, they had grabbed his hands and dragged him along with them, saying “Why wouldn’t you walk with us? We’re all going to the same place, silly!” They made sure he ate between rehearsals and shows, hauling him into Finch’s terrifyingly rickety truck and sitting him in the middle of the seat, laughing over and around—and occasionally even with—him on the way to the nearest cheap diner, where Elaine would get pancakes and Finch would get a cheeseburger and he would get a grilled cheese and they would chatter together over the greasy food, eyes sparkling and hearts full.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>“In restless dreams I walked alone</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Narrow streets of cobblestone</b>
</p><p>
  <b>'Neath the halo of a street lamp</b>
</p><p>
  <b>I turned my collar to the cold and damp</b>
</p><p>
  <b>When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light</b>
</p><p>
  <b>That split the night</b>
</p><p>
  <b>And touched the sound of silence...”</b>
</p><p>
  <span>When it had gotten cold, Finch had started driving Mush home with Elaine; they would rumble along the city streets in the pickup, Elaine with her head on Mush’s shoulder and her hand in Finch’s, nodding off until they hit a bump or Finch had to slam on the brakes and they all fell forward, shouting and laughing. Then they’d drop Elaine off, and Finch would kiss her, and she’d crawl out over Mush—“No, don’t get up! It’s cold outside. Stay where it’s warm!” she’d say—and kiss him on the cheek, and slam the door shut and run into the warmth of the townhome her family lived in, stopping to wave one last goodbye before she ducked through the bright rectangle of light that was the door. And then Finch would drive Mush home, humming along to the radio, or sometimes in total silence (besides the groaning of the truck under them). They didn’t talk, yet those rides were some of the most treasured moments in his memory, full of hazy warmth and pleasant company.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mush had thought of Finch as his best friend almost since they met, two six-year-old boys with skinned knees and missing teeth and wild hair, who would tear through the streets, shouting as they played. From the day they’d met, they’d been inseparable, and, even once they met Jack, Albert, Race, and Crutchie, that had always stayed true. They had only learned to play the guitar in middle school in order to stay together—Mush had considered the piano first, but guitar seemed more practical for more reasons than just getting to learn it with his closest friends. In every end-of-year music recital in middle school, they had played and sung duets, to smatterings of applause from bored parents and siblings of the other students.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elaine was different. They hadn’t met until they were twelve, when Medda had talked Mush into joining her after-school chorus. Elaine was tiny and wild, with a head of heavy, dark hair, and was the prettiest thing Mush had ever seen. She reminded him so much of Finch, with her nervous energy and inability to sit still—and penchant for chaos. She was loud and bold, always laughing at the worst times. She stood in front of him that first year, grumbling about being assigned an alto part instead of second soprano, as she had previously sung, but Mush couldn’t have been happier about it. Her voice was rich and full and surprisingly deep, especially given her age and size, and only got better over the two years that they sang together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Elaine O’Dell hardly knew who he was. She smiled at him when they passed in the hall, but it seemed like she smiled at everyone. Occasionally, she’d tell him a joke when they were waiting for rehearsal to start, but she told everyone jokes. In ninth grade, neither of them joined the high school choir—they didn’t have Medda to talk them into it—and they had no classes together. When they passed in the hall, she didn’t smile up at him any more. He wondered if it was because she had forgotten him, or if it was because she had only ever done it to be polite.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was the first person he ever would have said that he loved—besides Finch, but that was different, right? Finch was his best friend. Of course he loved his best friend. And, seeing as he had hardly ever even spoken to Elaine, it couldn’t have been love. How could you know if you loved someone if you’d never even held a conversation with them?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not that he knew what love was, anyways. He always shied away from those discussions, when they started among his friends. When the others started talking about the girls—or, sometimes, boys—they thought were prettiest, and daydreaming about what they wanted to do with those girls… That made him squirm. He couldn’t imagine ever doing anything like that with anyone. He tried to think of Elaine like that, because he knew that’s how he was supposed to think of girls, and since he had thought he loved her, maybe he could… and, while he could picture it, he still didn’t really </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> it.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Is there something wrong with me?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The thought seemed to flash across his mind more and more often as he got older, and his friends talked more and more about sex, and who they wanted to do it with. He started excusing himself from those conversations as subtly as possible, as they made him more and more uncomfortable. It was easier to forget that he was supposed to feel like that too and just… </span>
  <em>
    <span>leave</span>
  </em>
  <span> than try and participate, and pretend that he was the same as the others.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m </span>
  </em>
  <span>not</span>
  <em>
    <span> like them. I’m different. I’m broken. Who could love someone broken? Who would love someone who doesn’t want the things they want?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The first time Elaine came to band rehearsal, just after the end of their sophomore year of high school, tagging along on the heels of Albert Dasilva and the Higgins siblings, he’d felt his heart squeeze shut. It was just like seeing her walk into chorus practice in middle school, except she had even more hair now and looked even prettier in neatly-pressed circle skirts and short-sleeved sweaters. But she was quieter, with a sadness in her wide brown eyes that hadn’t been there two years ago. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Who hurt you?</span>
  </em>
  <span> he’d wondered. She didn’t seem to recognize him, and when he let it slip that they’d known each other, the look of absolute joy that spread across her face when she realized who he was had made up for every second he’d thought she didn’t know him. “I hardly recognized you either”, he’d said, but that was a bald-faced lie. He’d known exactly who she was the second she walked through the door to Medda’s club.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Meeting Elaine again had made everything worse. When he heard Finch talking about having a crush on her, he’d decided to do what he could to get them together. </span>
  <em>
    <span>They’ll be a great pair</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he’d told himself. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Anyways, you don’t have a chance. Not with either of them. Not someone who’s broken like you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d been happy when they got together, truly. He really did think they’d make a good couple, and they did—all wild ideas and chaos, but also kind hearts and bright minds. They were perfect.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You wouldn’t have been perfect for either of them. You’ll never be perfect for anyone. You’re not whole. No-one will want you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Tonight had been the worst. Something about watching the two of them dancing by the bar… he didn’t know what it was. He’d felt something break. So much for being strong. So much for trying to quell his feelings. He’d whispered his excuse to JoJo and slipped away. No-one else seemed to have seen him leave, which was good, because Finch would definitely have insisted on driving him home if he’d known, and that was the last thing Mush wanted in that moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>“And in the naked light I saw</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Ten thousand people, maybe more,</b>
</p><p>
  <b>People talking without speaking</b>
</p><p>
  <b>People hearing without listening</b>
</p><p>
  <b>People writing songs that voices never share</b>
</p><p>
  <b>And no one dared</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Disturb the sound of silence...”</b>
</p><p>
  <span>So, here he was. Alone, silent, and soaked to the bone. He knew he should be cold, but just felt numb instead. That probably wasn’t healthy, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. The tears streaming down his face chilled instantly, mingling with the rain. He looked down at his hands. His fingers were white, the tips even beginning to turn blue. He knew he should go inside, but couldn’t force himself to get up. He still didn’t feel cold.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rain around him began to turn to sleet, the frozen pellets stinging where they hit his bare skin—the first thing he’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>felt</span>
  </em>
  <span> since leaving the club. He tried to curl his hands into fists and found his fingers unresponsive, stiff and reluctant to move. This finally made him drag himself back to the window and crawl back into the apartment. It wasn’t warm inside—how could it be, after the window had been open for so long?—but he suddenly found himself shivering uncontrollably as he struggled to shut the window. He stripped off his wet clothes and tossed them into a pile with his coat from earlier, and managed to struggle into pajamas. The heat returning to his body burned his skin from the inside out, but he was still cold. He crawled into bed and buried himself under the blankets, trying to stop his teeth from chattering long enough to fall asleep.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Morning!” Elaine sang out, waving at Finch and Tommy, standing together while Tommy smoked under an awning just outside of the school parking lot. Albert and Race ducked under with them, Race already pulling out his pack of cigarettes. Cora and Elaine squeezed under with them, Elaine tucking herself under Finch’s arm and as far away from the smoke as she could get. “Did you see Mush yet this morning?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“No; I waited outside his place this morning hopin’ to catch him and offer him a ride, but he never came out.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Do you think he stayed home sick?” Elaine asked.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I’d guess,” said Finch. “Which kind of makes me worried. He doesn’t do that often, or lightly.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Race finished his cigarette and tossed the butt away. He pulled out his ever-present pack of Doublemint, got himself a stick of gum, and passed another stick each to Cora and Albert without a word. He offered it to the others as well, but only Tommy accepted. They split into two groups to walk into the school: Race, Tommy, and Cora, and Albert, Finch, and Elaine. Elaine and Finch walked hand in hand, just behind Albert, who was calling taunts forward to Race and Tommy as they walked into the building, Cora rolling her eyes at their antics.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Hey, if Mush doesn’t turn up today, what do you say about going over to his place and checkin’ on him after school?” Finch asked. “I’m a little worried about him.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Me too,” Elaine looked up and smiled softly, giving his hand a quick squeeze. “I’ll come with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>.*.*.*.*.*.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mush didn’t wake up until late the next morning, when the weak winter sun finally moved far enough across the floor to hit him in the face. He groaned and rolled over, pulling the quilt over his eyes to block out the stabbing pain the light brought. His throat felt swollen and raw, and his eyelids felt like sandpaper over his eyes. There was a rattle in his chest when he breathed, and if he inhaled too deeply it sent him coughing uncontrollably. He felt nauseous, and weak, and cold, and hot, all at the same time. He was exhausted and wide awake at the same time, but it didn’t take long before he fell back asleep.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>It was hours later before he woke again, but he wasn’t sure what had brought him back to the world. The sunlight had shifted far enough that it was no longer hitting him in the eyes, but was still uncomfortably bright. He closed his eyes and burrowed back into bed again, ignoring the gnawing pit in his stomach. He was hungry and thirsty, but wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep anything down at this point, and wasn’t about to get up and try and get to the kitchen to make anything.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Then he heard it again: a soft and uncertain voice, calling his name.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Mush?”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>Finch?</span>
  </em>
  <span> he wondered, half-delirious. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Uh-oh. Hearing things is probably a bad sign.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Mush?” the call came again, closer this time. The door to the bedroom creaked open. He heard whispers, and then a soft gasp and two pairs of hurried footsteps clattered to his bedside, the sound of their shoes across the floor drilling into his brain. He groaned and curled up into a tighter ball.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Oh, Mush,” a second voice, soft and low but decidedly female. There was a slight rustle, and then the blankets were pulled a little away from his face and a small, warm hand brushed over his head, the touch as light as a feather. “He’s burning up.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Mush, can you hear us?” came the first voice—definitely Finch—as a larger, colder hand replaced the first, knuckles resting against his cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush tried to reply, but could only manage a senseless garble of sound. His tongue felt too big in his mouth, and he couldn’t seem to get proper words out around it.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“I’ll go get some water,” said Elaine, and he heard her leave.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>The mattress shifted as Finch sat down next to him. “Mush?” he said gently, pulling the blankets a little further away from the other boy’s face.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush finally forced his eyes open. He turned his head a little, the action using most what little energy he had, and took in the blurry figure sitting next to him. Even though he couldn’t seem to focus his vision, he could see the worried look plastered on Finch’s face. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What are you doing here?</span>
  </em>
  <span> he wanted to ask, but his mouth couldn’t form the words.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Elaine returned and shooed Finch off the bed, taking his place. “Here,” she whispered. She brushed a dripping wet cloth over his dry lips, then wrung it out in a bowl and laid it over his forehead. “Are you thirsty?” she asked softly, her fingertips lingering on his cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>He managed a tiny nod. Finch helped him turn and sit up just enough to sip from the cup of cool water Elaine held to his lips, and then he fell back against the bed, coughing raggedly. He fell asleep again soon after, as Elaine hummed softly next to him, brushing his hair back off his forehead.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>“‘Fools,’ said I, ‘You do not know</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Silence like a cancer grows</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Hear my words that I might teach you</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Take my arms that I might reach you’</b>
</p><p>
  <b>But my words like silent raindrops fell</b>
</p><p>
  <b>And echoed in the wells of silence”</b>
</p><p>
  
  <span>When he woke up again, it was dark. The cloth on his forehead was still there, and felt cool and damp. He tried to sit up, but couldn’t manage to lift himself more than a few inches off the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“Hey, careful,” came a soft voice from the foot of the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Mush squinted in the darkness as the form he hadn’t noticed at his feet stood up and moved up to the head of the bed, eventually resolving itself into Finch.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“What do you need?” the other boy asked, keeping his voice low. Mush shook his head, instantly regretting it as the motion sent the world spinning. “Water?” Finch asked. Mush managed a weak nod. Finch helped him sit again, one strong arm behind Mush’s shoulders, the other lifting the cup of water to Mush’s lips again. This time, Mush drank more deeply, grateful for the cool liquid, even as it exacerbated the rawness of his throat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he finished drinking, Finch tried to lay him down again, but Mush fought to stay upright. Finch slid himself behind Mush, supporting the other boy’s limp body with his own. They sat in silence for a moment, Finch’s arms around Mush’s torso, and Mush’s head back against Finch’s shoulder. Finch was rocking back and forth slightly, an almost imperceptible half-hum rumbling in his throat. Mush curled into him, burying his face against Finch’s neck. He smelled like smoke and earth and rain and… something floral—roses? Whatever it was, the scent was comforting, and Mush found himself nodding off again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time, he woke as the first light of dawn began to peep through the window. He was still wrapped in Finch’s arms, but Finch had fallen asleep too, slumped awkwardly against the wall, mouth open and snoring. Mush looked down at where one of Finch’s hands had fallen into his lap and moved one of his own hands to it, gently slipping his fingers between Finch’s so that their hands were interlaced. The only sounds were the beginning of early morning traffic on the street below and Finch’s snoring—which meant that it was too quiet. Mush half-wondered where his father was, if he had called, how Groosmudder was doing, but didn’t spend too much thought on the subject as he began to drift off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rumble of Finch’s voice in his chest was what woke Mush for the fourth time. He opened his eyes to see Elaine perched on the edge of the bed, smiling and backlit by the morning light coming through the window. Her hip was pressed against the outside of his knee, her dark hair wild and loose like it had always been in middle school. Her smile broadened as he opened his eyes, and she reached out to take his hand in both of hers, and he was suddenly aware that he still held Finch’s hand as Finch gave it a squeeze.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Welcome back,” Finch teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elaine shot him a glare, then turned back to Mush. “How are you feeling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>”A little better,” he said. Very little, he had to admit; his headache had lessened a little, and he felt less feverish, but otherwise, he felt awful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elaine nodded and smiled, reaching out to brush a hand over his cheek. “Baby steps. Are you hungry?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And, suddenly, he was. He nodded weakly, the top of his head bumping against Finch’s chin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll go make you something to eat,” Elaine said, standing up. “Do you think you can manage some soup?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mush nodded again. Elaine smiled and swirled out of the room in a puff of pink skirt, leaving him and Finch in silence. Finch shifted, sitting them up a little more properly and resting his chin on Mush’s shoulder even as Mush’s head fell back against his own shoulder. He let go of Mush’s hand only to wrap his arms more firmly around his waist. Mush took a deep breath and let it out with a flurry of coughs that tore through his chest and left him breathless. Finch pulled away as he coughed, allowing Mush to slump forward, rubbing circles between his shoulder blades.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh-huh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He leaned back against Finch again, appreciating the warmth of the other boy’s body. They were silent for another minute, listening to Elaine bustling around the kitchen. It was Mush who spoke first:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finch pulled away far enough to look down at the other boy, a look of confusion plastered on his face. “What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did you come?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You left rehearsal early, and missed school the next day. You </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span> leave rehearsal early, and you hardly ever miss school. We were worried. Elaine and I decided to come over and check on you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Mush repeated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finch shrugged. “Why wouldn’t we? We love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>There’s that word again.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Mush pulled away, shoving the blankets off of his legs. He tried to stand and nearly collapsed, finding himself far weaker than he had expected. Finch was there in a flash to catch him and help support him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where do you think you’re goin’?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bathroom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. I guess that’s okay. Come on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mush hated that he needed help to walk the ten feet to the apartment’s small bathroom, but there was no way he would’ve made it on his own. Finch left him alone once they got there, and it was a struggle just to walk across the tiny room, do his business, wash his hands, and walk back to the door. Finch was on the other side of the door when he opened it, and held out an arm. Mush took it, reluctantly, and let Finch help him over to the table. Elaine brought them both bowls of soup and spoons, left, and then returned with her own food. They ate in silence, Mush hardly able to stomach half of the bowl he had been given, although he was grateful for the warmth that soothed his still-raw throat. The food sat heavily in the pit in his stomach, somehow both making the nausea better and worse at the same time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they were finished, Finch took the bowls into the kitchen and washed them, and Elaine helped Mush back to his bed. He tried again:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The look of confusion that spread across Elaine’s face was almost identical to the one Finch had worn in response to the same question. It made his heart ache. “I don’t understand. Why wouldn’t we be?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mush shook his head, feeling tears pricking at the back of his eyes. “You have no reason to be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“More like we have no reason </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be,” Elaine retorted. She seemed a little angry. “We were worried about you. And apparently we were right to be—you weren’t exactly in good shape when we got here!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mush shook his head again. </span>
  <em>
    <span>That’s not what I meant</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “But why you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who else would come?” Elaine asked. “Well, that’s wrong. Anyone would come. But it made most sense for us to come.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Mush pressed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The look of confusion was back, like Elaine genuinely didn’t understand the question. “Because… because it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>us</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Because we love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tears he had been fighting back finally escaped, rolling down his cheeks even faster than he had expected. “How?” he whispered. “How could you love me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elaine looked shocked. “What do you mean ‘how’?” she asked, reaching out to wipe his tears away. “Mush, you’re beautiful! Beautiful, inside and out, and amazing, and wonderful, and so many good things!” She looked ready to cry, too, now, and that broke his heart even further. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Please don’t cry. Not for me.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I’m broken,” he whispered, looking down at his hands. “I don’t… I don’t want the sort of things that other people do. I’m not like normal people. I can’t love like they do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Mush, no!” she was sobbing now, and reached out to pull him into a tight hug. “That’s just not true! You love more than just about anyone I know! You’re one of the kindest, most compassionate, most loving people I’ve ever met!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mush buried his face in her shoulder as the tears came even faster. “I’m not! I can’t love anyone. I’ve tried. It just… doesn’t work for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What exactly do you think love is?” Elaine asked with a bitter laugh, her voice muffled in his shoulder. “Because, from where I stand, you’re overflowing with it. When you bring earplugs for Cora in case she forgets hers, that’s love. When you hold my hand when I’m nervous before shows, that’s love. When you fight with Jack or Race or Albert or Finch because they’re doing something stupid and you know it’s going to wind up biting them in the ass so you’re trying to get them to </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> do it, that’s love!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mush pulled away and sniffled, wiping his nose on his sleeve. “But that’s different. There’s more than one kind of love. And that’s what I don’t have—what I can’t have. That’s where I’m broken.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What, you mean sex?” Finch said from the doorway. They both turned to look at him as he stepped into the room. “You think I haven’t noticed? We’ve been friends since we were six. I noticed </span>
  <em>
    <span>years</span>
  </em>
  <span> ago how weird you got whenever the other guys would bring that stuff up. How you started avoidin’ and leavin’ those conversations. I never blamed you. It made my skin crawl, too. I just pretended it didn’t. I wasn’t brave enough to leave. I always wished I was more like you.” He sat down on the bed next to Mush and wrapped his arm around the other boy’s shoulder to pull him in close. Mush rested his head against Finch’s shoulder and felt him press a kiss against the top of his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s more to love than just sex,” Elaine said. “Even romantic love. That’s why you always hear people talking about ‘chemistry’. It’s how you and someone else feel about each other. For some people—most people, I guess—that means sex too, but not for everyone. Not for either of us.” She shrugged, looking up at Finch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t mean you’re broken if you don’t want that,” Finch said firmly. “And you’re not alone. Not as long as we’re around.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elaine nodded and smiled, taking Mush’s hand in hers and giving it a squeeze. “Because we love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somehow, he understood what she meant this time, and felt his heart leap. He smiled down at her through a fresh wave of tears. “I love you too—both of you.” His voice cracked, and he fell apart sobbing after the confession, as the words he never thought he’d get to say left his lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finch wrapped both of his arms around Mush and pulled him closer, rocking him gently again. Elaine climbed up on the bed and hugged him from the other side, her arms fitting perfectly around his waist. They sat like that for a long time, all tears and jumbled emotions and tangled limbs, the silent only broken by Elaine’s sniffles and an occasional cough from Mush. Eventually, Elaine pulled away, stretching stiff limbs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should get some more sleep,” she said softly, resting the back of her hand against Mush’s forehead. “You still have a fever.” She stood up, but Mush caught her hand before she could walk away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t leave?” he whispered, feeling immediately guilty for the request.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elaine smiled and returned to press a kiss to his forehead. “I’ll be back. I’m just going to get you some water and call Cora so she can let everyone else know you’re okay. Finch will stay here with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>While she was gone, Finch helped Mush lie down and get comfortable again. He could already feel his eyelids growing heavy, but he grabbed Finch’s hand before the other boy could go anywhere.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finch smiled down at him and brushed his hair off of his forehead. “I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” He pressed a gentle kiss to Mush’s temple.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hold me?” Mush whispered, another pang of guilt shooting through him. He didn’t get to be greedy like this, but after the emotions of the day, and feeling as sick as he did, he didn’t care.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finch smiled and nodded, brushing a hand against Mush’s cheek. He crawled carefully over him to the back of the bed and sandwiched himself between the wall and Mush’s body. He wrapped his arms around Mush again, like he had the night before, and buried his face in the back of Mush’s shoulder, his breathing soft and even against Mush’s back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Mush whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finch responded with a gentle squeeze. “Sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mush smiled to himself and nodded, a silent promise to at least try.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Elaine returned, she smiled softly to see them curled up together. She set the glass of water on the floor by the bed and perched on the edge of it. She reached out and ran her fingers over Mush’s cheek. He cracked an eye open and held out an arm to her, a silent plea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I’ll fit,” she whispered, rubbing her thumb over his cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll make it work,” Finch mumbled into Mush’s back. He tightened his arms around Mush’s middle and squirmed backwards, dragging the other boy with him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elaine laughed and stood up. “Fine,” she rolled her eyes. She fiddled with her skirt until her petticoat dropped down around her ankles, and she kicked it aside. “Don’t need that. It takes up too much room. She crawled onto the bed, kicking her shoes off as she did, and grabbed the quilt scrunched up at the bottom of the mattress, pulling it up and over all three of them. She pressed herself against Mush, slinging an arm over his waist just below where Finch’s were wrapped, and hooked a knee over his legs to steady herself on the edge of the narrow bed. Mush wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to his chest, hiding his face in her hair. Where Finch had smelled of the outdoors, Elaine smelled like vanilla and peppermint, but with the same hint of rose underneath. He liked it. She snuggled further into his chest, humming contentedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For the first time in days, Mush Myers felt warm. For the first time in years, he felt loved.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>“Within the sound of silence…”</b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I do not own Newsies or anything you may recognize from it. I do not own Cora Higgins—she belongs to @/the-cowbi on Tumblr. I do not own any quotes or song lyrics in this story. I do, however, own all original characters, the story itself, and anything you don’t recognize from any other sources!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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